we own a business - pt 9 ... its about me!

[makingmagic]

nope.. not at all, he was "into me" and in our relationship. Although, he has always looked at other women... never hid that from me. Just now it bothers me more "outside" of a rel'p.

Journalling today:

emotional day & full day spent with h, very busy & h is very regimented. So as you can imagine, I do things that get in the way and p!ss him off as I make human mistakes and can't win for losing.

The subject came up again while driving, and after him shouting at me and telling me to "use my head" several times, I tried to reply calmly (but tears are in my eyes..holding them back). Long story short, he runs himself like a machine (he even said so), and has high expectations of how things should be run (yes, I know this, but human errors are not allowed), he apologized for some things, so did I. This could have turned into a R talk, but I held off. He spoke how wound tight he is, and life is not fun at this pace, but he feels its worth it for the money in the end, I guess. I said it was not worth it to me. I tried to validate where I could, but for the most part I STFU and listened. He talks of the future, needing a break by July (don't I?, I nodded), he talked of our business downsizing and how we work very well together as a team and how he should appreciate the sales more often. He is hoping that once the rush is over he can relax and not be so wound tightly. I asked him if its possible that he will still be like this after the dust settles (learned behaviour towards me), he said he hoped not. He speaks of us still in the future as partners.

I need to listen better. I told him that I write things down, and ask to be repeated because I am writing them down. He didn't know this, but was getting mad feeling that he was repeating himself. Also, cell phone static issues.

I need to understand his timing better. Not to ask him irrelevant stuff during peak times.

At one point, I made a reference that I should get going.. he kept talking. Mentioned how he looks forward only to the first beer at evening and first coffee of the day. He is sad going to bed in the dark.

We were interrupted, and then he asked if I wanted to go see the work that had been done on one of our "projects", I said no, that I had to go.