Still Struggling and need help #3

[CharlieBrown]

MC session today and I stuck pretty closely to my strategy. Went through the positives of the week and when he asked if there was anything that didn't go well, I mentioned the discussion we had about FB and that, on one hand, it was good that we could talk about it, on the other hand it was left unresolved. Our MC did an excellent job asking us both a lot of questions, then shifted into a long discussion. What he said to W was that while he heard her explanation, it didn't really make sense to him and was confusing to him as well. He said that often when marriages go through tough times where one spouse has a lot of anger or is lonely, etc. they will find an escape and that escape may include things that they wouldn't have done before. The anology he used was that he treats a lot of couples where the H uses online porn as that escape. Anyway, once the couple starts improving, the other spouse naturally expects that the escape will go away, but to the spouse that relied on the escape, it has become a "security blanket" that feels good to continue to wrap yourself in. But now, the situation is different and you have to be willing at some point to let it go, or it is a sign that you aren't really ready to move forward.

He used a pillow that he hugged as an illustration of the warm blanket, and when talking to W said you need to decide if you are ready to let go of the blanket (and motioned away the pillow) or want to continue to embrace it (and hugged it). I thought it was really powerful and illustrated exactly what I have been feeling.

You will be happy to know that:

a. I never mentioned tat-boy.
b. After the initial question, I did my best to STFU and let him work and let my wife answer.

We left it at the end that he said we will talk about it next week and by definition, my W will have either chosen to hang onto the blanket (and not Friend me) or let the blanket go by Friending me. As for me, my assignment is to not bring it up. She knows my thoughts, let her digest it and decide. Either way, by next week he will have a better idea of where she is at.

It was a tough session but I finally felt like we were having a substantive discussion and he was not accepting the bs answers my W has been saying, just to tell him what he wants to hear.

CB