Thanks for sharing your crib notes FY! Thinking of all the possible responses is a terrific idea. I had my first DB coaching session last week, and I told the coach Chuck that the lack of physical contact was killing me, and that I had thrown my arms around my H and told him I missed physical affection and sex, and he stood there like a statue and answered "well I don't." So Chuck said no hugs but I could start touching him casually, a hand on the arm. At first my H acted like I'd burned him but now, after a week, he has touched my shoulder twice. How stupid that would sound to anyone who has not been through this!
Did you try the simple touch, or go for the whole "needs" speech? How did she react?
Been there done that. Several months after BD I asked for more touch… she said she couldn’t do it. I foolishly pressed for an answer why, and ended up getting bombed all over again. I learned my lesson and backed off and did not touch. She’s nowhere near as depressed as she was back then, so now I figure I’ll carefully move ahead with the plan. I can back off at anytime if it doesn’t go well.
I have made a point to touch her twice this week and there was no bad response from her. I will continue slowly and see how it goes. It seems she doesn’t want to leave me, so hopefully she’ll work with me on this.
When they give us the dead hug, or pull away from us, that means we MUST back off. No pressure.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
So Chuck said no hugs but I could start touching him casually, a hand on the arm. At first my H acted like I'd burned him but now, after a week, he has touched my shoulder twice. How stupid that would sound to anyone who has not been through this!