Check out time.

[Jeack]

The way I look at it is to give up hope. Live my life, accept my faults in the M continue to work on them for my next R whether it be someone else or my W. It's still in my mind DB to a point.

But at the same time I'm not going to continue to pass up opportunity s to enjoy time with OW in the fear that it will make my W mad.

And your right I was resentful that she never accepted her part and that's because she didn't need to. I begged pleaded manipulated her with words to get her to always come back. So there was never a reason for her to accept anything.

Feedback is appreciated. I know that this is a forum to save marriages, but I think this is the best way to detach for me personally.

[MrBond]

"The way I look at it is to give up hope."

You don't need to give up hope. You just need to give up EXPECTATIONS.

"Live my life, accept my faults in the M continue to work on them for my next R whether it be someone else or my W. It's still in my mind DB to a point."

Yes.

"But at the same time I'm not going to continue to pass up opportunity s to enjoy time with OW in the fear that it will make my W mad."

You don't need OW to "make you" happy. YOu need to be happy on your own first. If you go into a relationship now, you are going to be bringing all of your insecurities along with you.

"And your right I was resentful that she never accepted her part and that's because she didn't need to. I begged pleaded manipulated her with words to get her to always come back. So there was never a reason for her to accept anything."

No. You're resentful because you never forgave her. True forgiveness is letting go AND not expecting anything back from the other person.

"Feedback is appreciated. I know that this is a forum to save marriages, but I think this is the best way to detach for me personally."

What you describe isn't "detaching". It's like a child who isn't able to get what they want. You haven't reached the mature definition of detaching. You still want her to apologize and see the error of her ways. It doesn't work that way.

[Jeack]

,

[Jeack]

"

What you describe isn't "detaching". It's like a child who isn't able to get what they want. You haven't reached the mature definition of detaching. You still want her to apologize and see the error of her ways. It doesn't work that way.

I guess your right. I do good for about a week then start missing her. Just tuff because we have absolutely no reason to talk anymore.

Now a few questions. W hasn't made her car payment prob because she spent alot of money on her OM for his birthday. How do I handle this. Confront her or explain to her mom. The agreement was if she didn't pay that we were going to terminate the lease.

Also our Wedding anniversary is next week. Do I just treat it like any other day or send a message or anything?

[kenva]

Jeack. Sorry your in this situation. Same boat here. On our anniversary, I texted her if she would meet me at a restaurant that I picked and to a movie, just a light evening. Surprisingly she texted back to yea to dinner but not a movie. Even tho I wanted it to be the two of us our s was w her and we ate together. I was surprised but I also had in the back of my mind and I was preparing myself that she would say no. I took a gamble and it worked.

[Jeack]

Yeah, there's no way she would meet me for anything right now. She's in bliss with her new man.

[adinva]

Jeack, in my opinion the car lease is a business deal. You have an agreement. You need to take a hard line especially in the beginning or you set precedent and let it get all squishy.

The deal was with your W, not her mom, right? So you don't tell her mom, you deal with W. You don't "confront." When the electric company sends you a reminder that your payment is overdue are they confronting you? Try to take a breath and keep it light. Tell W the date the payment was due, and how much, and the grace period you're going to give it, THIS TIME ONLY, that you will not terminate the lease until one week from today if she shows up with a money order by then (or wherever else the payment is supposed to go).

If she gets the money from her mom, or from under her pillow, or her best friend, is not your business. The deal is between you and her. So do not bring in anyone not directly involved, and do not listen to any extraneous detail such as what she has recently spent money on, that is not your business. And get ready to terminate the lease. You had a deal, that's what a deal is. You can give her an extension if you want to be nice and if she has a firm plan such as a payday that makes sense why you should wait a bit longer. Business deal.

[Jeack]

Well she paid the car. But the other bill is almost 30 days late. So I just texted "can you please take care of the he card. There calling me 10 xs a day.

Her reply was.

I have to wait until I have money. Idk what else to do.

I want to reply get a second job like I'm doing but. Need some advice on how to reply non aggressively. Also I told her she needs to get her own car insurance starting in July. How do I remind her of all this.

She's running around buying her OM skydiving. Posting pics of them on Facebook. I asked to her yo please not smear her new relationship all over Facebook. But could care less. My patience is wearing thin and feel like I'm ready to snap. Keep in mind I'm not a angry person in general.

[MrCAS]

J, stay off of Facebook. That is what I am doing. I stopped going there to see what was up. It was like self-inflicted wounds to me. I don't want to know. It is a distraction I do not need right now.

What did we do before FB? We watched TV... went to the mall... played on-line games...

Me? Recently I have been killing inner demons. I have been working on artwork. I have been playing with my dog. I have been watching hockey.

Asking her to not do something is only inviting her to do it more. She knows it bothers the bejeepers out of you. She is just going to rub your face in it if you let her.

[Jeack]

Thanks MR Cas,

I know that about FB. I'm more worried on how to address her careless attitude towards paying her bills that are in my name. That we've agreed to. I heard her cry poor since we've been together and she's not my responsibility if she wants to be with OM. That's my boundary.