rH, I didn't have any expectations, heck, last year nothing was done, so the fact that she DID DO SOMEthing was an improvement. And appreciated. One thing about her movie choice, the epic fantasy vs, the "feel good" real life movie, when I asked her why she chose the movie she did, she said something like "I don't want real life right now, I'm into fantasy..." The things the let slip sometimes...
UR, yes, I have hope, but I am VERY WARY of what she says and does, back to "believe none...". I let myself get "hoover'd" back in too many times the past few years, so watching for HPD/BPD traits...
AJ, I'll have you know I look DAMN fine in my kilts (got the legs for it...)
TVS, I wonder if it was real or just "trying it on"...I suppose I should be thankful that she was actually looking into it to see, checking some of the realities, rather than just doing it without checking...But then fantasy was in there too...but idk...lol.
Snoddrly's post gave me thought, and yes, there was anger when I discovered what I did...but this has been floating around my brain a while now since last BD. W has been, even in her own words, a "last minute, don't decide or do anything until I absolutely have too or am forced to" kind of person. I just feel like it is a very strong possibility that she was/is/ avoiding having to decide, and can run with the status quo forever. And that she is having real problems with withdrawal from the online/RL OM replay activity. It was pretty clear in what I discovered. I guess I just feel like she would never decide until "forced to". So I have relieved her of the stress somewhat of having to be the one to file (sort of).
The things I wrote down that I wouldn't miss if she left are playing within her, and the day she worked and it was just me and the boys was so peaceful, fun, I guess I got a small taste that it wouldn't be the end of the world...
Another thing is that the boys have been having issues with the state of things, and it has been increasing the longer this goes on and W feels bad, but has trouble moving to DO something...this has been hard on them, and I don't want it to go on forever, they deserve to begin to heal, one way or another. And so do I.
Now, could she pull out the stops and "try" to work on the R in order to delay until she figures out how to leave, or get a new OM to have in the wings, or whatever? Sure...
So, the plan is to talk with my L, discover all the ins and outs (one thing I did learn is that if I HAVE to use infidelity and abandonment ("marital relations", or lack thereof for a year or more does count in my state) I have to act within a year of last occurrence. I don't want to, and I know she doesn't want to have that either.
I am being completely upfront with her that I will "work on" the R if she does, if not then I am moving forward, though I still believe and feel in my gut that a new/rebuilt/whatever R is possible and likely to succeed. It is up to her to make the beginning moves, either way. I am going to have a happy, content life, regardless. Hoping for a result like in rH's sitch? You betcha. If not, that's okay too. I have done my best, though the only "what if" laying around is "what if" I waited 6 more months before doing this, and she came back or left all on her own, wouldn't that have been better?
Either way, I am looking forward to an adventure, whether by building a new R, or building a new single life.
But don't do what I did...lol.
Quick update on W's actions, just so you all can keep me checked into the reality hotel...
-Caught W staring at me while I was planting, she was supposed to be asleep... -She wants IC with a counsellor who is versed in menopause and hormone issues, and MC, now. -She was engaging me, eye contact, etc. last night. Offered to cut my hair, likes my new beard style. -Seemed rather pensive, thoughtful, processing.
Myself, I was and am just me, being the best I can, though dimmer regarding W. I do feel some weight lifted off of me.
Thanks for reading... T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
