W reiterated today she's intent on dissolving the marriage, which makes sense today because yesterday was a "Im struggling ... Im sorry for hurting you". (end sarcasm) Which I was weary of anyway because of the rest of the roller-coaster ride Ive seen so far. It's an evolution for me just moving ever closer to acceptance.
Do I want to drop the rope ... I don't. But if I don't I'm concerned of my well being through this process. So accepting this and just moving forward with the results in a dignified manner is my only course.
I will take this weekend as a test of where I'm at. We have a appt with a mediator next wed and I'm not empty of anger or bitterness as of yet, so I'm concerned about making sound decisions relative to my financial and kids well being. I know I have a right to feel this way, it's just hard because my bitterness wants to not make this easy for her. Whats even worse is if she asked to reconcile at this point I would consider it, so I need to start focusing on me. It must be nice to be the WAS and have something in the wings waiting, certainly makes your transition easier. Plain su&ks right now, but can't do anything about it.
M: 43 W: 43 Married: 17 Together: 20 BD: 4/8/13 no legal or physical S as of yet 3 kids: S:14 D:13 D:9 W admitted EA: 5/5/13 Mediation started: 6/3/13 W says EA is done: 6/30/13 - still interested in D
