I am glad to hear that I am not alone with the "imagination problem". The pendulum swings strangely for me even when I try to be rational. I cannot keep thinking everything negative from my end (we'll never get back together, I will never see him again) and everything positive from his (so happy with the new relationship and kids). Life does not work that way.....I have never read/watched The Secret but I am up for anything these days. Maybe I will check it out.
I found a video of The Secret on YouTube, listed as "The Secret Full Movie." It is quite amazing, maybe a bit "out there" in its claims, but what it mostly talks about is the power of positive thinking. It reminds me a bit of Michelle's "Act as If" in the Divorce Remedy. To quote DR, "Regardless of how skeptical you might be about the possibilities of good things happening, 'act as if.' Do all things you would do if you were convinced of a positive outcome. Then watch the results."
I guess this is also why she advises us to GAL, to get a life and to be happy and interesting and fun.
I was a positive, upbeat, happy person until my H hit me with his "I love you but..." speech. Then I got clingy and whiny and crying and pushy and horrible. An unhappy blob. I would not have wanted to stay married to me, I wonder why my H did not leave then.
This is all coming together for me, at least mentally. I hope I am able to actually learn to live it! And you too, Portia and Bright, let's try to think positively, and to act as if we are people whom our men would be idiots to leave. The women whom they fell in love with!! (easier said than done, I know)
Originally Posted By: Portia
I just wish I knew if he and the GF were getting serious again. Because that is the line that I draw unless it absolutely does not bother me at all. That will take a long time. I do not want to feel as if I am competing.
The hard part is that I cannot see a future for us anymore. He has now been NC for seven weeks and it has been ten months since BD. I feel like I need to face life without him. And I just don't want to. But I must accept. He has moved on and I need to do the same.
Is there someone who knows them you can ask Portia? To at least find out if they are living together again? But listen, even if they ARE serious, that does not mean that your SO will not get tired of the OW. He left you because he could not face real life with all its problems, and wants to live a fantasy life. Life with the OW will not be problem free, or care free.
Seven weeks IS a long time with no contact. How long did the vets advise you to follow NC? Did you say that you planned to contact him in July? Maybe a quick text message, did he leave something at your house you could ask him about? This must be very very hard for you.
