"I Love you but love her too"....WHAT?

[Notlikingthis]

kml...I appreciate your concern and have thought long and hard about what he is doing. Too put your concerns at ease I will start by saying that it's not about money in my situation.

The house that he is buying will have no debt. In our compromise from this past weekends blow-out, I had him sign a Quit Claim Deed to on our current house (no debt except monthly bills). I have a sizeable inheritance that I have kept separate and not co-mingled as well as a monthly guaranteed income from the inheritance, a pension from my job of 34 years and lifetime health insurance. If he spends every last nickel of our community funds, I won't be happy but it will hurt him more than it will hurt me. He makes a very good salary and if he wants to continue to work until he drops dead to support himself and possibily the OW then that's his decision.

Until this happened to him, he was a very loving and giving husband and father. We had fun traveling and had respect for each other and our differences (he being a career driven person and I being a home and family focused person.) Together we built a good and comfortable life and didn't need to spend a lot of money to be happy. The kids may lose if he goes off the deep end and spends everything that we have in community property. Our youngest of the 4 kids is mentally disabled and there is a Special Needs Trust set up for her. As much as I don't like what he's doing, rest assured that financially, I will be more than just okay and the kids will too.

I may apprear to be a doormat but I am not a weak person and have a well thought out plan should he take that one way flight into space! When he moves out, I will certainly change the locks to the house, go dark or as dark as I can and will grab my bag of popcorn and watch from the sidelines.

What bothers me the most is that he is throwing away our marriage for a gold digging s!ut that has no money. She has just as many issues as he does and my H knows it! If they end up together then they deserve the misery that they will have with one another. She didn't even work until she was 35 years old and it was because her family cut her off for marrying a "working class man". Talk about issues!

It make take a long while before I heal emotionally but financially I will survive.

I appreciate your concern and wisdom and like that you are helping all of us consider important issues for our futures that we might not be thinking about. What I think I need most right now is support and advice on how and what I should be doing to help my chances of keeping this marriage together. I am not fooling myself into thinking that he will dump the s!ut any time soon, if ever but I know that others have saved their marriages with worse problems than we have. That is all I'm hoping for.

While I didn't want to share as much as I have and it may have been TMI, I felt it necessary so that others wouldn't think that I was oblivious to what can happen to people financially in our situation. I am thankful for all of the veterans here that provide us the pep talks when we need them, ideas when we're lost as to what to do and with a reality check when our focus isn't in the right place.