What am I afraid of? I am afraid of letting someone else into my heart. I do not keep people close by nature, so this experience may make it that much more difficult for me to open up.
It can be a choice. Who you choose to let in, who you choose to keep out. One thing for sure, you cannot borrow trouble from the future. All that you can do, is to take it one day at time, and see what tomorrow brings for you. If you make that choice today, you WILL fail yourself in the future.
Rebuilding trust takes TIME, and you have that now. Just like you have the time to look at all of this, and decide who you want to be every morning when you wake. And that trust HAS to start with trusting yourself, that you WILL make good decisions regarding your heart...in the future...
Originally Posted By: PatientMan
I am afraid I will not be able to find someone else who measures up to my W..
This ties into the above....Maybe what the future holds for you, is yet to be determined. And that one day, some lucky girl will feel the same about measuring up to you, and that just may be your current spouse.....
A LOT of us here have felt the same way during this. Like you will never find anything better than what you had, and you pissed it away.
Not true.....
Originally Posted By: PatientMan
I am afraid of deriving value from myself instead of my "catch." I realize that I have always validated my self worth by having W. I was insecure about myself, but if I got her, then I was SOMEBODY. I am not insecure about my abilities or career or anything like that, I just inherently have always felt "unworthy". And she made me feel "worthy.".
And there is the rub eh ?
Placing YOUR value on another person...
There is a lot of control in that statement. Either from you seeing her as a possession, or you giving her that kind of power over you. Do you really want to view her as a possession ? Or better yet...her define your value ?
I would ask you, why do you feel that way ? Not that you do...just why ?
Originally Posted By: PatientMan
I am afraid of being replaced by a stepfather who will be responsible for the day to day fathering (leadership, discipline, security, interaction) of *my* children. .
And that very well MAY happen. You do have a choice though, and no matter what happens, you will always be their Father/Dad. No person can ever take that away from you.
I told my kids this when my Ex told them that she was dating ...
That nothing would ever take me away from them, and that he was a pretty good guy, and had a lot to offer them. That they NEVER had to feel as though they were protecting me from anything, and that would not be betraying me by being good to him. That they needed to treat him with courtesy, and respect, because they would never know what he could offer them unless they were open enough to find out.
Originally Posted By: PatientMan
I am afraid she will move the kids away from me to exacerbate the previous point. My mother moved me and my sisters across the country when I was 7. I don't speak to my biological father anymore, I speak very highly of my stepfather, and even call him "Dad" and consider him a valuable role model..
Your wife isn't your Mother, and treating her that way will do more harm than good.
The legal system has changed greatly since then, concerning the Father's role in raising children. You have rights too, and I'm not sure that she can move them away like that. I would find out though....
Get in there and fight for them, and that time with them....
Originally Posted By: PatientMan
I am afraid of being alone...
What scares you about that ?
Originally Posted By: PatientMan
I am afraid I will be unable to truly move on...
How about, for today, you just move forward instead of on.... One day at a time, one step at a time.....
Originally Posted By: PatientMan
I am afraid I am too determined and persistent to move on, and that perhaps God doesn't want me to move on or stop pursuing my W in whatever way I can, including DB'ing or refusing to give up...
I don't think that God gets too involved with affairs of the heart. I think that he puts us into positions that we need to be in though. I think that he gives us exactly the problems that we NEED , so that we can fix ourselves, and then gives us opportunities to either embrace, or discard according to the lessons that we have learned.
Instead of praying for your wife to do this or to do that, maybe pray for the strength to endure the test, and to embrace the lesson that he is teaching you ???
Originally Posted By: PatientMan
I am afraid W will never be able to forgive me or let me back in so that we have a shot at R...
That is out of your control now isn't it ?
Why worry about that now ?
Originally Posted By: PatientMan
I am afraid for how this D will affect my children...
It will....deeply..
What will affect them more, is if they don't learn how to deal with it properly...
