Reb a appreciate how you work through things and keep coming back here.
About the texting, I think it's your D's issue to handle since it happened when she was with him and she's the one who was hurt by it. Maybe you could help her with how to handle it if the situation comes up again.
If you approach him, I'd do it in a friendly sort of way, "H, D came to me (insert feeling)because she saw a text from OW on your phone when you had dinner with her." And leave it. I'd also OK this with D before talking with H. Only do this if you can show no judgment.
Yes, difficult.
Getting beyond the judgment is hard but it's only when we do that that we can have really honest Rs. When we judge, we also usually use blame and shame.
That never works.
There's a quote from Marshall Rosenberg: judgments of others contribute to self-fulfilling prophecies.
On a different note. What are you doing for you? Do you have a hobby that's just yours? I don't want to hear about what you do for/with your Ds, what do you consistently do for you.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
