Becoming Patient Man

[jp787]

What am I afraid of?

• I am afraid of letting someone else into my heart. I do not keep people close by nature, so this experience may make it that much more difficult for me to open up.
• I am afraid I will not be able to find someone else who measures up to my W.
• I am afraid of deriving value from myself instead of my "catch." I realize that I have always validated my self worth by having W. I was insecure about myself, but if I got her, then I was SOMEBODY. I am not insecure about my abilities or career or anything like that, I just inherently have always felt "unworthy". And she made me feel "worthy."
• I am afraid of being replaced by a stepfather who will be responsible for the day to day fathering (leadership, discipline, security, interaction) of *my* children.
• I am afraid she will move the kids away from me to exacerbate the previous point. My mother moved me and my sisters across the country when I was 7. I don't speak to my biological father anymore, I speak very highly of my stepfather, and even call him "Dad" and consider him a valuable role model.
• I am afraid W will bear another man's child.
• I am afraid of being alone.
• I am afraid I will be unable to truly move on.
• I am afraid I am too determined and persistent to move on, and that perhaps God doesn't want me to move on or stop pursuing my W in whatever way I can, including DB'ing or refusing to give up.
• I am afraid W will never be able to forgive me or let me back in so that we have a shot at R.
• I am afraid for how this D will affect my children.

I have the exact same fears...

[*] I am afraid of deriving value from myself instead of my "catch." I realize that I have always validated my self worth by having W. I was insecure about myself, but if I got her, then I was SOMEBODY. I am not insecure about my abilities or career or anything like that, I just inherently have always felt "unworthy". And she made me feel "worthy."

^^^This is so true of how I feel also