Just saying hello.

[prometheus]

Before i respond any further to the recent posts on this thread, i thought that i should give an update on the dynamic of the situation that i find myself in. I will mention things that stand out for me.

(my behaviour as described immediately below is a good example of something i DEFINITELY need to do a 180 on)

First, when i noticed that my wife had taken off her ring, unfortunately i was not able to hold back my tears. Both she and my youngest son(who was sitting in my lap at the time) witnessed me start to tear up. I got up and left the immediate area because i realised that i was going to be unable to bring myself back under control in the short term and did not want to upset my young son any more than he had been already.

Pressure must have been building up in me because inside the house, i found myself weeping bitterly. Shortly afterwards my wife came into the house from outside where we had been sitting, and came across me crying still. I can't remember everything that she said to me when she saw me there, but it did include her saying that i was trying to make her feel guilty or sorry for me, and that she did not appreciate me getting emotional in front of our young son.

Also, i said something about me hurting so much or something - i really can't remember what it was now - but because i was so upset, it seems W could not hear what i said properly. I say this because she asked me in a somewhat incredulous tone, "did you just say that i am trying to take him away from you?" (by him, she meant our young son.) I don't know where she is coming from with this because it has never been a topic of conversation prior to that moment.

I will hold my hand up to wallowing in a bit of self pity, and even some emotional immaturity, but i won't own that emotional blackmail stuff that she was alluding to.

After i'd had a good cry and let it all soak in i seemed to arrive after a while, in a place of surrender. It was as though, all of a sudden, i could see the futility of trying to engage any further with my wife. I was starting to see how i was owning an unhealthy and unrealistic share of the blame for our sorry situation.

The next day was pretty quiet. I managed to be affable and light hearted in our interactions. The following day, my wife was belligerent from the very first good morning. This continued throughout the morning. Eventually, i decided to ask her if there was anything the matter. "Just the usual" was the reply. I then asked her why she was being so hostile in her attitude towards me. I had been nothing but pleasant and courteous and did not deserve the treatment. She mentioned that she was annoyed because i had arisen before her and she liked to be the first one up and have some time to clear her head.

As she was leaving, my wife told me that the stalemate had to end, the mental torture had to end, we have to separate for the good of everyone. This is a favourite tactic with her - drop a bomb when one of us is leaving. Anyway, as i said goodbye to her i also asked her why we could not simply focus on the children and forget about our relationship? Why does it have to be stalemate and mental torture?

She left after this but i could not resist...i ended up following her out to the car. I was annoyed by her tactic. I asked her why she always waited until one of us was leaving before dropping a bomb. Her reply - "to give you time to think about what i said". I replied by asking her to just drop the relationship thing and focus on the kids. Then she said "OK, but so long as you know that there is no hope ever for reconciliation, we are going to be separated, that we will live together as parenting partners and raise the kids."

I agreed.

"OK", she said. "We'll be besties, and i really like my besties." Then she gave me a hug(very rare) and left.



Later that day i was speaking to a mutual friend ours who we have both known upwards of twenty five years. I told him of the fact that my wife had taken off her ring and how upset i was. He responded by telling me how, a couple of weeks before, he was speaking to W at a sporting event that they were both attending. In his words, she bluntly told him that she had begun divorce proceedings. (??!!) She has not gotten around to telling me that yet. She has started something though but i will leave off on describing that until my next post because this one is waaay too long. Sorry about that.