Speaking as my experience as the one who had an A, I would say it took 2-3 years after before I was really ready to do the work I had to do in my M, or at least until that is what showed to my H. I knew I didn't want a divorce and I wasn't stringing him along but, looking back, I honestly think it took me that long to get back in physically and emotionally. So I was working on it, it was just a very slow process for me to trust him again (not to leave, not to be the same person he was the 3-4 years prior to my A). That came through to him as a lack of caring on my part. For me, I think I was just in survival mode and doing my best to try. Every time I hurt him again, intentionally or not (usually not) I felt terrible but then the setback to the M would set me back again. I am not sure if I am explaining this clearly but sometimes, even though you don't see or feel it, the S is doing there best that they have at that moment. I used the OM as a fallback, I strung him along so he would still be there if my M didn't work out, but the M was what I wanted.
I know your H still having contact with OW, and telling you he isn't, is not ok but the fact that he is saying he is open to a R with you does mean something. Bear with him as long as you can.
M 46 H 44 D 12 S 8 M 9 T 11 BD 2/15/13 "Makes sense to stay together" 5/12/13 Agree we are 'healing' 7/13 Definitely Piecing 9/13
