Needing some guidance... 6

[jks]

So I went to S5's preschool graduation this morning and H warned me last night that OW would be there. I have been dreading this moment for a long, long time. I was going to have a friend come with me for moral support but she had something else she had to do. So I went by myself. I made a candy lei for my little boy and walked in and saw him sitting in his chair and put it around his neck. I was the biggest ball of nerves because I knew H and OW were there but I hadn't seen them yet. My little boy looked so adorable in his cap and gown and he gave me the sweetest kiss. I then went to find a seat and walked right passed H and OW and my D1. I found a seat and D1 immediately started screaming my name and ran over to me.

Ultimately, I realized that I will always be their mother and there's nothing that anyone can do to take that away from me. It was a painful thing to see H and OW so happy together and laughing and talking together the entire time while I focused on taking pictures and keeping D1 quiet.

I am in a sad place today. He's happy. I am not. He's found his best friend and lover and I am lost. He constantly reminds me that I have no value to him anymore. He later texted me and told me that he saw a picture on the preschool slide show of our son that he really liked and wanted to know if I would send him any other pictures that I have taken of the kids. I told him "I don't know. This is my talent and you decided you didn't want it anymore. :(" He then said, "Fair enough. How much would you charge me for a disc then?" Wow. That was a kick in the gut. I don't know how to explain it but that was hurtful to me.

Now I know why I have avoided this for so long. It's hard to take in.