Anyway, I was angry this morning. Resentful. I call the girls every day before school and D3 asked me, like usual, if I am coming home tonight.
It's difficult to process the emotions that go along with this and be true to myself. I was mad when she called, but I did fine not showing it over the phone, so I did okay there. But why do I have to do that? Fake like I'm not mad? Shouldn't I be allowed to be a little ticked off at times?
I am not dismissing what I did to contribute to my situation, I'm just disappointed in the choices she has made since. Just disappointed. Mad about the family getting torn apart - which is partly my fault - but disappointed in who she has changed into.
She looks the same and sometimes seems the same, but I have to understand that she isn't. She's done a lot of damage and a lot of wrong, and until she owns up to it (not even to me, just to herself) she is going to be hiding...from herself. I know because I was there too, trying to escape from myself and hide from myself.
*sigh*
Bee-tee-dubs, I'm going to totally kick a$$ at being a dad tonight.
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
