Steve, you are starting to see it...that is the first step! It's a process and it's going to take time...and work.
I had huge issues with control, so I know how difficult that issue is. Even when I thought I was past it, I was fooling myself. You have to really look hard at some of these things to see the truth of it. And you have to realize that most of what you've been doing, is not working....so DB, do something different.
In your conversation, I see some positives, but I also see that it is mostly about you. Is that a common theme in your M? Do you think your W feels like you really heard her?
