You will be having a lot of information and a lot of things in your stitch thrown at you quickly. Yes, what you and your W are facing is very difficult and it will get much harder. You need to know that it will and be prepared for it.
By being prepared, I mean do not be shocked by anything your W will say to you and by what she will do. She is facing a cross-road in her life and the more you try to "talk" her out of doing anything she doesn't want to do....or the more you try to "talk" her into staying in the M, the worse things will be. Words do not work! So many H's can't seem to get that fact settled in their brain. You will have a very strong desire to try to reason with her. You will want her to be logical. It doesn't work.
She watches your behavior. Like she said, she took her rings off b/c you were not taking her seriously (or so she thought). But from what you have said, you seemed rather shocked that she did not want to work on the M. So, that tells me that she felt you were not really getting the message she had been trying to tell you over the years.
Don't misunderstand, I certainly don't mean to imply that you are to blame for all the problems. I simply want to try to explain to LBH's the viewpoint of the WAW. I may not be able to tell you what will work in your stitch, but I can tell you a lot of what won't work.
Standing your ground does not mean fighting. It just means that you do not move out of the home and leave your children. You stand firm on your values, belief system, morals, etc. If she does not want to abide by the same, you really cannot force her. She can choose to leave, but she can't force you to leave if there have been no acts violence. Your job is to remain calm and cool and do not take her bait to get into a verbal fight. It will be very difficult, but it's most important that you do not react to her, for several reasons.
Your children (and even your W) will need you to be strong and show that you are the leader of your home and you will not conduct your actions out of emotions. It is inner strength that you need. When you try to operate out of your emotions, things will begin to crumble fast. This will actually teach your children how to deal when trouble hits a M. Be a good role model to them. Not by preaching, but just living it.
You will need to have a plan of action. Number one should be that you will not do anything. Not like most men think of a plan of "action". The action is mostly inside of you. That is where the work begins. Look into your heart deeply and see what your W has seen these years that she has been unhappy. What has changed about you since she first fell in love with you? What can you do to get that guy back again? Things change and people change, but some things you can get back. Think about it and start setting some goals for just you. Not her......"you".
How are you coming on Divorce Remedy?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
