labug, why aren't I done? The only thing that's hitting the uncomfortable meter is that I have a little anger in my decision. I am clearly reacting to hurt and frustration and would like to clear away anger and bitterness in my heart. I was doing much better without trying to co-parent with H or involve H in any way our lives. These new attempts lead to expectations (hard not to expect something from co-parent!) and then obvious anger.
You're angry, and making a decision while angry usually comes back to bite you. A door fully closed can sometimes not be reopened.
There's a lot of mind-reading going on in your post. I'm not sure why he lacks credibility. Maybe he does believe your D has exhibited courage under fire and commitment by what she's accomplished while all this drama is going on. I have a problem with being judgmental and when I really dig into it, I'm actually judging me because I'm seeing the other person through my distorted lens and applying my motivations to their actions.
If the drinking is a deal-breaker for you, then it is and I get that.
The texting stuff is again based on assumption. I understand once burned twice shy but it would be pretty ballsy to text OW in the company of a tech-savvy 18 yo. (small rant, why do people think it's OK to carry on a one-sided conversation with another person while at dinner with someone important to them?)
I think what you did with your D was help her work through something that was difficult for her. I didn't see it as defending him but rather being somewhat neutral. Private seething is OK as long as you know why you're seething.
Have you thought of asking H about what D told you? I can understand she doesn't want to but it's unfortunate for everyone to be upset about something that may not be true. Teaching your Ds how to confront problems in a constructive way would be a great skill for them to take into adulthood. Some of us don't learn that until waaaaay late in life. I'm a case in point.
This is hard stuff and you've come so far.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
