Affair forecast:stormy with a chance of a break-up

[Takevowsserious]

You always know just what to say

I have heard so many times, parents of teenagers saying something like, "I don't know how I'm going to make it though these teen years!"

Yeah. Totally get it now.

Shed some tears tonight after kids went to bed, but feel better.

Tomorrow is another day.

Thanks again UW ~ I truly hope one day H does realize where he belongs - hopefully, before it's too late.

Keep on keepin on

[CharlieBrown]

TVS, how can you not shed some tears? No matter how strong you are, and how focused on DBing you are, you are human. We all are. What your H is putting you through is something that was unimaginable at one point right? Amazing how much we are able to put up with because of love. My hope is that this all happens for a reason, maybe in my case I really did need to appreciate my W more, maybe there is a bigger challenge coming down the road and this will strengthen us for it, I don't know. What I do know is we can only handle so much and you are amazing with how well you have been doing. Don't get down on yourself at all.

CB

[Mtnman]

((Tvs)). Keep fighting!

[Takevowsserious]

Thanks CB and M- man! Not to worry, TVS has picked herself up and dusted herself off

Just another day here in MLC paradise...

Snodderly, you always advise to sit quietly and let the answers come to us. And you are always right!

As you guys know, this trip has been weighing heavy on my mind. Going away with her for five days is definitely upping the ante in their R. Everything about it makes me sick.

I went to yoga last night, which was very much needed! It felt good to sweat and move and breathe.

At the end of every yoga class, we finish up with Dead Man's pose - which is simply laying on your back, closing your eyes, and being still. You are supposed to clear your mind and not think of anything - just breathe.

While I'm laying there last night, a memory popped into my mind. It was a beach trip I had taken with my xbf. I haven't thought about it in years.

Quick summary...
Before H, I dated the same guy for many years. We were serious, but he was not interested in M - ever - and was adamant about not having kids. While these things didn't matter so much when I was younger, they began to matter quite a lot as I reached my mid-20's.

Things ended between us, and I started dating H. But a part of me thought - was I right in choosing to end a R after so many years together?

My ex asked me to go away with him for a few days to the beach, and I said yes. I didn't want to hurt H, and wanted to be sure he was the guy I wanted to be with.
H was sad that I was going, but told me he hoped I would find what I was looking for.

Well, the whole trip all I couid do was think about H. I couldn't wait to get home to see him. I knew without a doubt, and have known everyday since then, that he was the one for me. I never again had a doubt.

I feel like that memory popping into my mind was a message - that this vacation may not be something that brings them closer, but instead puts another nail in the affair coffin.

Ironically, H tells me this morning that over the next few days he is going to be making some plans for the trip - booking the hotel room, plane ticket, etc. I was totally cool about it, said okay.

I realize that anything could happen. The trip couid bring them closer. Then what?

I do love him enough to give him this opportunity to try to find what he is looking for - which of course is right before is eyes.

In other MLC news, have noticed that H is definitely checking me out more lately. Maybe I'm bringing sexy back, and didn't even know it! Lol!

Good night

[uRworthy]

Thanks CB and M- man! Not to worry, TVS has picked herself up and dusted herself off

I had no doubt you would, my friend.

I feel like that memory popping into my mind was a message - that this vacation may not be something that brings them closer, but instead puts another nail in the affair coffin.

I realize that anything could happen. The trip couid bring them closer. Then what?

I do love him enough to give him this opportunity to try to find what he is looking for - which of course is right before is eyes.

It may bring them closer, it may not. But know this, you are loving unconditionally the man that you never had a doubt about. He once gave you a chance to find what you were looking for and now you are doing the same.

T, it may not seem like it, but, he is taking how you are acting in. He is storing it deep inside. He is standing in the doorway, one foot in one room, one in the other. Struggling to figure it all out. You keep being the light.

In other MLC news, have noticed that H is definitely checking me out more lately. Maybe I'm bringing sexy back, and didn't even know it! Lol!

I am sure you are, girl!

Good night

[Takevowsserious]

Thanks angel

What you said about him always watching me - that really struck me as that is something I have been pondering lately...

It seems he is outwardly noticing things about me - from what I wear to what book I'm reading - he has been making a lot of comments and asking a lot of questions lately. Superficial or genuine interest? Not sure on that one, gonna give it some more time.

But in retrospect, I see how he has kind of been watching me for awhile now - silently, and from a distance.

I can see the struggle in him UW, I really can.

And I do love him, so very much. One thing I've discovered is that for me personally, his hurtful actions have not caused me to stop loving him. I've lost all trust in him, lost respect for him, but the love is still there.

I'm hoping it can be a foundation to one day build a new M on. But the love has to go both ways. I won't spend my life like this.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nothing exciting to report here. Went to yoga tonight. My friend teaches this class, and she is awesome. I am feeling relaxed and grounded tonight after all my sweating and stretching

H asks today if he can go golfing tomorrow afternoon. I said sure, that's fine with me. Fair amount of texting AND itching tonight.

I'm sure OW is not going to like that he has an extra day with me and the boys because of the holiday. Or maybe she thinks their romantic beach getaway is going to solve all their problems...

Umm, should someone tell her nothing could ever possibly solve all their problems? Nope? I didn't think so lol!

Working on continuing to let go a little more each day...

Good night

[uRworthy]

What you said about him always watching me - that really struck me as that is something I have been pondering lately...

It seems he is outwardly noticing things about me - from what I wear to what book I'm reading - he has been making a lot of comments and asking a lot of questions lately. Superficial or genuine interest? Not sure on that one, gonna give it some more time.

T, it is not superficial as that would not serve him on his journey. He is thinking, rolling things over in his mind. He's wondering if your changes are real, if your love is real. He's thinking about what he could lose. Now that's not to say he isnt still confused, because as you said, you can see his struggle.

But, he is thinking that he thought he had it all figured out. He thought he knew exactly what he wanted and now? One foot in, one foot out.

I can see the struggle in him UW, I really can.

I know you can, T. I have seen it in my xh, too. I wouldnt want to be him for all the money in the world. It must be terrible in his head.


And I do love him, so very much. One thing I've discovered is that for me personally, his hurtful actions have not caused me to stop loving him. I've lost all trust in him, lost respect for him, but the love is still there.

I hear that. I've felt that, too. Amazing how deep the love goes, isnt it?

I'm hoping it can be a foundation to one day build a new M on. But the love has to go both ways. I won't spend my life like this.

And you should not. You deserve so much more.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nothing exciting to report here. Went to yoga tonight. My friend teaches this class, and she is awesome. I am feeling relaxed and grounded tonight after all my sweating and stretching

H asks today if he can go golfing tomorrow afternoon. I said sure, that's fine with me. Fair amount of texting AND itching tonight.

I'm sure OW is not going to like that he has an extra day with me and the boys because of the holiday. Or maybe she thinks their romantic beach getaway is going to solve all their problems...

Umm, should someone tell her nothing could ever possibly solve all their problems? Nope? I didn't think so lol!

Working on continuing to let go a little more each day...

Good night

[reachingHigher]

And I do love him, so very much. One thing I've discovered is that for me personally, his hurtful actions have not caused me to stop loving him. I've lost all trust in him, lost respect for him, but the love is still there.

This ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ is sweet.
I have those feelings too, but not as much loss of trust.

I really like that he is watching you. I remember becoming aware of that from my H last summer. I remember him always asking what I was reading, asking what I was doing if I was in the other room, and looking at me at our times together since we saw each other only a couple of times a week.

Upon seeing me, he would look me from head-to-toe taking everything in during a glance in the special way a man can!

I like that your H is secretly and not-so-secretly watching you:

Private Eyes
They're watching you
They see your every move

I love your postings, tvs, every one of them!

You keep going girl,
This is going to be a very interesting summer!

Hugs,
rH

[RosaLinda]

Hi TVS! I have read through your threads (except for the missing one, that is strange!) and really admire how well you've kept it together. You are a strong and courageous woman. 

I was riveted by your conversation with your H's Slut, your former friend. What an evil loser sicko that woman is! A married woman whose husband has cancer screwing around with her friend's husband. How low can you get???

I hope that if your H's golf outing next month does turn out to be a tryst, that it will be the end for them, and his eyes will finally be open to That Woman's character. That's what my H's Tramp calls me, That Woman, and it always makes me laugh. 

It is amazing that our H's are so similar with their chronic illnesses. It doesn't make it any easier. Maybe your H would like my H's recipe for fermented oatmeal? Also, neither ever moved out, and they both seemed to be back, or almost back, to his old self, and then fell back into the God forsaken hole of replay. I wonder how common that is, and what causes them to bolt back?

Keep up the good work my friend! Keep that sexy on!

[reachingHigher]

Tvs, I saw a quote today that made me think of you:

"I trust you" is a better compliment than "I love you". Because you will always love the one you trust but you won't always trust the one you love.

Just musing...

Hope you had a good day!