Less lonely, not scared..low on patience

[JBolt]

I meant "we make no effort to arrange..." seeing each other in the previous. Oh, and I mentioned in the previous about having fun with the kids. Someone on the board mentioned how their XH was trying to be a "Disneyland Dad", going out of his way to do more with his kids to show up his ex. Hadn't heard that term before and I started worrying that I doing the same. But then I realized, I'm not making anymore time for the kids then I did before BD. I've always been the one to take them places, goof around, and just play to play. My wife has mentioned more than once how happy they are when she drops them off.

Okay, just some quick observations on zombie W. I know, I know, some folks will suggest I'm obsessing, but I visit the board every couple of days to catch up on sitchs, say a silent prayer for those struggling AND to read about the weirdoes our spouses have somehow turned into. No apologies...but since I don't initiate comms. with her anymore unless strictly about the kids, and I certainly don't ask the children, I really don't know much about what's going on with her.

Second mediation last month went pretty well. W suggested she should have our D10 one extra day (we now do 50/50). In other words, she would drop off D15 on Wed night and then D10 on Thur and I would return them both according to previously agreed schedule. According to W, "D10 needs her mother more and besides, the kids don't even play together anymore". I could have written this down on a piece of paper and pulled it out after she mentioned it. This is the same excuse, short of accusing me of being an child abuser, that she pulled in Nov'12 after we had agreed to 50/50. The truth is the kids are thick as thieves over at my place and the W doesn't seem to have any problem justifying W's desire for more time with D15. I'm inclined to offer her a month of this nonsense to see how it goes. The only person she will alienate is D10 for keeping her from her father. I would hate to see their relationship deteriorate further. Haven't discussed it since.

Also at mediation, W seemed confused. There were several things we talked about at meeting #1 the previous month, custody, the house, spousal support, the car, etc. W said she hadn't thought about any of that (!?!), didn't know how much was fair for her to ask for, seemed to get annoyed when the mediator asked her about her income. We don't have much so most was settled quickly. A few days later the mediator sent us an email wanting retirement account numbers, balances, and again mentioned STBXW''s thoughts on spousal support.

That was over a month ago. I contacted the mediator today to see where the paperwork was at. The mediator said she had not heard from W AT ALL despite repeated emails and phone calls (each one costing us money no doubt). We see the judge in less than a month. I told the mediator I'm at a complete loss to explain STBXW's behavior, not that I would even try at this point. Mediator said in the meantime she would draw up all paperwork assuming W was good with my suggested support numbers, etc. That is fine by me.

I went out of town a few weeks ago. When I got back, I noticed D15 was looking a little thin. She is a very slender young woman, but when she is sick or doesn't eat properly for some reason, she starts to look a little skeletal. I think she has just hit a growth spurt. I mentioned it to D15 and she said she hadn't noticed, thanked me for mentioning it, and hit me up for money for snacks! She just doesn't think about it and is concerned about being too thin. I txted W about it a little later and asked if she would help me keep an eye on D15 to get some meat on her bones. A year ago, W and I would have done just that, we would mention it to D, and monitored accordingly. No fuss about it.
STBXW said no, the kids know how to eat, D15 could take care of herself and she wasn't responsible for them eating. I was stunned, I replied that D15 does take good care of herself (I kind of see her point about no babying them I suppose), but she still relies on her parents for a lot. I then got to read in her follow up txt how I am a controlling @#@#%, was rude and disrespectful to W for at least 15 years, and how W was sorry she had to be nice to me now that she sees those years so clearly. But also that I have many admirable qualities and we just got married too young. Ahem, I'm not sure what that has to do with D15's bony rear, but okay. At the time I just thought to myself how glad I was to be divorcing myself from this. D15 looks a lot better BTW, eating larger portions and snacking.

One other thing; W's part time job with the school system ends this week. According to her dad and a friend, she has no prospects and doesn't seem to be at all worried about it. They told me because they are worried, I told them I was about as worried about it as STBXW, not my business anymore. I really do wish the best for her, but that doesn't really do much good in real life.