Less lonely, not scared..low on patience

[JBolt]

Hi all, just thought I would post a quick update...and of course some MLC weirdness...

I filed on April 11 and feeling of being released from Limbo has really taken hold. We had our second mediation session about a week later and it was much more productive. I'm still very uncomfortable being around W, but it's not really in issue as we make to effort to arrange it. It will get much easier with time. For all those newbies out there, TIME is the key. There were moments I thought I would never reach, but I'm getting there. Slowly at first, then faster and faster. I'm looking forward to the future now instead of dreading my next encounter with W.

The kids and I are having a B.L.A.S.T. blast. Whether it is cooking dinner together (or cookies :)), hanging out at the park, shopping, watching a movie, friend sleepover, whatever. I realized a few weeks ago that I was the parent that always played with the kids. W would watch and interact with them, but I have always been the real big kid at heart that did the rough-housing, playing with toys, legos, stuff like that. I'm so glad they are still young enough to want to be seen doing anything with the old man! They are also looking forward to swimming as often as they like at my apt. complex pools, me too!

Work is starting to really chug along. Until last month, I hadn't really been able to accomplish anything. I would go into the office and stare at the walls. I needed and took a short break. I'm not going in regularly and getting a little work done. Not quite up to my previous level of productivity, but at least I'm starting to give a sh@t about it. I'm in the sciences, and it all seemed very trivial and academic for months after BD. Well, it is mostly trivial and academic, but it's my job and I loved it. I'm starting to rediscover that and it feels good.

I'm now captain of a summer league bowling team, we are all good friends and it's been a blast. I'm looking to get a dog. It will cost extra at the apartments, but I need something to accompany me on all the long walks I really enjoy taking now. I've re-picked up a couple of old childish hobbies (pretty geeky stuff, so I won't embarrass myself here!) and am reading for pleasure more and more. Not anything I didn't do while with W, but stuff I couldn't bring myself to do after BD. I'm also looking into doing some other activities, even thinking about trying to get a part in the next city theatre production (!).

All in all, my therapist and, more importantly I, think I'm doing pretty well. I have my moments of pain, but they are brief. Filing the paperwork and seeing a light at the end of my tunnel at least is what it took for me to drop the rope and begin to move on. I wish it didn't have to be this way, but for me at least, I think it is how I have started to regain my self respect and esteem. W has legitimate grievances about our relationship, but it cuts both ways and I have decided that nothing I did earned the way I've been treated and the things I've been accused of over the last 7 or so months. I've moved on.