she wants to return to mediation

[MrBond]

"In frustration I said "does she it was easy for me."

You do understand that it's not about you right?

"Now I think about her statement "it was too overwhelming" and I go back to all the this I have read, and matches the self absorbed person that she is. Not even considering one ounce of how it is affecting me."

Right now your attitude is the same as hers. You are only thinking of yourself and your needs. That's why she's stayed away. She wants to heal on her own or figure things out on her own. You need to respect that. You want to "fix" things or think that you need to be in the picture. You don't.

The self-righteous attitude you're developing isn't going to help you.

"She also wants some documents from me before we go forward. I want say I have nothing of hers because she told me to throw everything away."

Hurt and angry feelings about how YOU feel aren't going to help either.

"I do not hold grudges on people, maybe I need to work on that."

Sounds like you do hold a grudge.

"Think after this I am going to get a tattoo on my forearm
" You cannot rationalize irrational behaviour " so I can also remind myself."

You're not getting it. TO HER she's not being irrational. That's what you have to start understanding. You validate her right to feel the way she does without condemnation. You calling her "crazy" etc. doesn't achieve that. She wants to be heard and understood.

You don't need to accept the way she's doing it, but you need to accept that fact that she feels that way right now.