Sometimes we seem to only post about the negatives. Life with X was at times everything I think a marriage should be. There were a lot of positive moments and I have many good memories. To be fair she wasn’t always the overbearing, self centered, manipulative, bat sh1t crazy person she presently presents. Or maybe she just decided there was no longer a need to maintain the charade.
We are D. I post about her b/c her actions cause pain to people I love. I do not hear about most of it. I hear about it when their frustration peaks. It is difficult to stay out of their drama then, but I manage pretty well. Bashing and finger pointing is destructive and this is not where I need to go. At this point I prefer she be bat sh1t crazy elsewhere with someone else. It was her decision.
There was an 80’s joke about a person that planned their life down to the minute and wrote it all down in a personal planner. X was a bit like that. Not down to the minute, but there was a plan. I found myself doing much of the same to keep the chaos down to a manageable roar and meet expectations hers and mine.
Life happens and life’s challenges have a way of showing us we should remain flexible. I find now I can relax a bit. Have a plan B and adapt as needed. There was a time when planning was a quite bit more complex.
Quote:
Did your wife resist your d being gay before she decided on her new religion, or after?
was that an issue for you guys? Did she blame you? Herself?
Evil friends?
When we were first married gay, straight, bi, tall, short, thin, fat, black, brown, white were not topics. Generally in talking about people she did not use descriptors that classified people. One of the things I admired about her was her apparent lack of prejudices. She didn’t stereotype.
When our daughter came out W first took the news and denied it. “It was a phase, experimentation. She isn’t gay she’s bi. She doesn’t know what she is. She just needs to meet the right man. We should help her decide.”
Anger ensued, particularly when our daughter hooked up with someone who was abusive and took advantage of her. That relationship took about 5 years to run its course and about another 3 for our daughter to resolve within herself. There is the evil friend. I believe our actions contributed to our daughter’s choice of partner and her estrangement from our family during this time.
After the relationship broke up and our daughter began recovery, X had expectations our daughter had learned her lesson. Our marriage was crumbling by this time. My lack of enthusiasm to again participate in our daughters rescue was just another friction point and I believe it was a minor one.
Our daughter is reintegrating into the family with the last holdout being X. They have their challenges. I am glad our daughter is able to maintain a healthy outlook though this. She vents to others mostly. Her aunts, DIL and one cousin.
DIL has issues related to X also. That is probably another long post. DIL’s mother is at end stage Alzheimer’s. X is part of her care team I stay out of this other than to validate when DIL expresses frustrations.
Ever feel like you’re walking a tightrope over a chasm in a high wind? I cannot allow myself to become wrapped around these axles.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
