I hate to tell you Steve, but you are not "there." In fact, you continue to take yourself further away from "there." Read Spartan's post again, because he nailed it.
You think you can't use a mediator because your pissed now? Really? Sounds like you are trying to control her....still.
You told her she can't have OM around your kids? More control. And really, unless he's got some sort of abuse history or something similar, there's no way for you to do anything about it. At best, you might be able to get your W to agree to some mutual rules regarding the kids and other people...but that's you working together for the betterment of the kids.
So far, I just see you reacting and letting your emotions run rampant. I don't see you making positive changes in yourself yet. You're still trying to control...
Consider backing off completely....no communication unless it's about the kids. Focus on you for a while and just let everyone take a break til emotions cool.
