So, been travelling for a few days. Saturday, D's team did great and we had a lot of fun cheering her on during the day. At the end of the tourney, they did a team photo and W took it and posted to FB. She showed me on her phone and I said that would be nice to be able to see on my account so I could share it (a very passive-aggressive thing to say, I admit fully). She didn't answer and immediately changed the subject, which frustrated me immensely. On our way to the restaraunt a 1/2 later, I was still really angry (trying not to be, but keeping my mouth shut has made the frustration level really high on this issue) and she asked me what was up. I had D9 and friend9 in the back seat, so I didn't want to get into it and said so. She asked again quietly so girls wouldn't hear and I said quietly I was frustrated why she didn't accept my FB friend request.
She said she wanted this for herself and just didn't want me to be on it. Instead of me askign why, as in hindsight I should have, I said FB is by definition a place to share information with others about your life and I don't understand why she is ok with sharing with dozens of cousins, my close friends, my brother and sister, and hundreds of others, but not the person she is supposed to be closest to? She said she just doesn't want me on it and I told her that hurt me. At this point, probably for the best, we reached the restaraunt and as we got out of the car and other parents were around, wound it down.
The weird thing is, between dog walks and other times, she could have brought it back up but pretended the next couple days like we never had the discussion. It will come back up in MC Thursday, I am hoping she brings it up but I am guessing it will be me. The thing is, I am not sure how to bring it up without bringing up tat-boy because that is the likeliest reason she doesn't want me on there but I am trying to not bring that up. For the record, I am not that worried about that anymore, calling him out here for the douchebag he really is felt good and had a cleansing effect for me. But, I want to have honest discussions when the time is right so we can really move forward. Feel like we are still in "small-talk" mode.
On a positive note, our other time together was pretty pleasant, she even put a post-it "Have a great trip, Love you!!" on my seat when I left early Monday morning to fly out. And, we had a glass of wine and some physical contact Sunday night, so that was great!
Also, the highlight, I asked her Sunday if she had to put percentages on it, where she is at with having to move to XYZ City. She said 50/50, maybe even 60/40 in favor of staying. When I asked where she was a month ago she said 90/10 to move. I said that is interesting, thanks for sharing and that was good to hear.
So, trying to focus on the positives. CB
Me; 42, W; 43 M; 16 yrs S12, D9
3/13 - "I want to move to XYZ City (four hours away) and it might be without you, not sure" 5/13 - "Not sure I meant that"
She said she wanted this for herself and just didn't want me to be on it.
This is SOOOOO MLC...
I can empathize with you so much on that, as can others who are dealing with this. Like everything is supposed to be "normal" and yet the MLCer has some (secret) life they are trying on like a coat to... IDK... see if they'd miss the LBS... what life would be like with the LBS erased... it is so, so, so frustrating.
There is no answer except, for right now, that's what she wants. Nothing you can say or do will change that. And as frustrating as it is, just like tat-boy, you will need to learn to accept it, without taking it personal. It SEEMS personal, yet it truly is not. It's how the MLC brain seems to work. *shrug*
Keep working on yourself and yes, focus on the positives and forgive and let go of the negative.
KD, I think in this case, the logic is sooooo bizarre that it is part of why I struggling with it so much. If she was texting him and I was asking to examine her phone, this would make sense, or if I was asking for her FB password, this would make sense, but I am just asking to be able to see what hundreds of other friends and family, including my family, can see already! It is so bizarre.
The other thing that bugs me, in all honesty, is we have many friends that are on there together and I see their back and forth, them sharing special events, and I am jealous. It seems so, oh I don't know, normal?
CB
Me; 42, W; 43 M; 16 yrs S12, D9
3/13 - "I want to move to XYZ City (four hours away) and it might be without you, not sure" 5/13 - "Not sure I meant that"
No MrBond, she has said now that she doesn't want to D anymore and that she isn't really sure she meant it when she said it in March. She is saying last few weeks that she was "in a dark place" in March and that if we move, it is together. I am not 100% sold that is the case, but it is positive to hear and I am moving forward as if it is.
You are right, she doesn't have to, it is her choice, but either choice sends me a message whether she wants it to or not.
Me; 42, W; 43 M; 16 yrs S12, D9
3/13 - "I want to move to XYZ City (four hours away) and it might be without you, not sure" 5/13 - "Not sure I meant that"
BTW, part of why I posted the FB thing is that I was mad at myself that I missed a great chance to listen and STFU (I love that, I am going to use it often...). Instead I rebutted and headed into the effect on me. STUPID!!! I would have loved to hear her answer as to why it is important to her and never did.
Me; 42, W; 43 M; 16 yrs S12, D9
3/13 - "I want to move to XYZ City (four hours away) and it might be without you, not sure" 5/13 - "Not sure I meant that"
