bea... can I ask how long you have been dealing with this MLC'er?
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
He began changing around July 2005 and dropped the bomb early October 2005
I was blindsided, heartbroken and utterly bereft. I had been married for more than 35 years to this man. Now I am a stylish woman who lives alone, although with many friends visiting, has a great family, and LOVES her life.
We find ourselves in the hurt and pain and grief, but we do not know the gift we are being given until some long while later
Am I glad it happened? No, my marriage was fabulous and worthwhile.That is the paradox We would not wish it to have happened, but as it has, the secret is to find the true gift in the abandonment.
AMAZING Bea!! Truly amazing... you inspire me!.. Thank you!
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
That is the paradox We would not wish it to have happened, but as it has, the secret is to find the true gift in the abandonment.
So So True!!!!!
Since my ex left, I've learned to play the drums in a pop-punk band and the vibraphone for a folk/indie singer-songwriter friend. (I've gone on tour a few times with her and will be in the recording studio with her this summer).
I've got a fulfilling business of my own. I have less money than when I was married but I sleep better at night knowing I am making sound financial decisions that can't be derailed by an impetuous spouse.
I've learned to apply eyeliner and had my hairdresser cut layers into my hair (yes, I was a hopeless hippie-mama before). I may not be quite as thin as in my younger days, but in some ways, I'm prettier than ever.
I'm dating a handsome sexy man who calls me his Princess (and treats me like one).
I never would have imagined, in those dark days when I was fighting so hard for my marriage, that so many good things would come my way as a result. It hasn't been easy, and he still manages to make my life difficult at times, but the further away from it I get, the better I feel about the divorce.
Wow! That's encouraging KML. I am so glad to hear posts from LBSs that didn't necessarily save the marriage made a better life for themselves. It's refreshing to hear and I hope to be in a much better place emotionally once day. It's good to hear these types of success stories as well.
Thanks, WH
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
You know I think very very few people actually make it through MLC. At least the bad cases that most of us here are dealing with. Doesn't mean we should give up hope, as some do make it.
It isn't our fault. We didn't break them and we can't fix them. There is a period when many of us feel quite bitter. The sad fact as many have said, bad things happen to nice people. Not just MLC, but illness and death of loved ones, horrible accidents, and so forth. It is how we deal with what life throws at us, and how we are equipped to deal with this stuff. that determines the outcome.
Our MLC spouses did not have the toolkit to deal with what life threw at them, and in a way they are to be pitied for that. Although i do believe in tough love after a certain period of grace!
Bea, I couldn't agree w/you more in re: how we are equipped to deal with this stuff. Our spouses didn't have the toolkit to deal w/what life threw at them and what better way to handle the difficult situations...but to run.
I do hope your xh settles down and leaves you alone for a bit, but I'm not holding my breath on that one.
Have a great week!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I am already having a good week thanks - travelled from my home to spend time with family over the next 10 days, and do a little work, and catch up with old friends.
My middle son was very funny about my xh's invitation to me to hang out with him and OW2. Really you can only laugh at their antics.
Bea, Enjoy your time w/your family and friends. You truly need a break from the mlc madness. I do hope that he will not disturb you while you are away.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
