I want him to be happy

[stilllookingup]

Just before my BD, my best friend was thinking about leaving her H of 10 years. I knew she often complained about him and said she has a divorce process site bookmarked on their computer and her husband knew etc. But the whole time I had no idea why she casually mentioned D to me when I didn’t hear any single incident that should have made her consider D.

When she decided to leave him, she told me for the first time that he is an alcoholic. I was shocked. She said she was patient for 10 years but it was time. She told him that she was leaving but her H told her he would not go to IC or quit drinking. She told him the only way she’ll stay is for him to quit drinking completely. He wasn’t badging for 2-3 weeks or so and he finally decided to quit and she decided to not leave as she promised. He quit drinking completely but refused going to IC.

Around this time, I was in my dark spot after my H broke down in July. I thought I was doing my best to change by going to IC etc. During this time my best friend shared a little story with me. She said “When you guys were here for a dinner the last time, my H said something about you. I don’t remember exactly what he said but he said something like “Why is she always like that (mean) with her H?” As soon as I heard that from her, I exploded. I blew up because I knew he was refusing to go to IC and I had already started going to IC and trying to change. She then said it’s just another person’s opinion. If somebody told me that I’d think maybe that’s something I should work on. Then I blew up again. Again this was before BD and before I found about DB-ing. Apparently I wasn't ready for criticism, especially not from somebody who was refusing to go to IC.

2 weeks later she was complaining about him again saying “Trying to change lasted only 2 weeks, I should have left him when I had the momentum” She then told me that she needed to tell me something. She swore she’d leave him if and when he ever drinks again. She wanted me to know so she’d keep her words.

A week later, she found out she was pregnant.

They just had a beautiful baby and seem happy.. but I went to visit them at home the other day for the first time the baby was born. I can’t be 100% sure but I’m pretty sure he was drinking again. I noticed that because he was kind of engaging a conversation with me and his mom in rather aggressive way. Whatever we say, he comes back and say “I don’t know about that” “That’s not true” Almost every response was cynical, which my best friend always complained about then I saw the drink in his glass and thought I smelled alcohol from him. I'm not an alcoholic and that's not why my H wanted D but being cynical was a HUGE part of the reason I believe. Talking to her H the other day made me think a lot. Is this how I appeared to him before BD? As much as what he said about me pissed me off, he was right on if this is how I was to my H.

I hope I’m wrong. But if he started drinking after the baby was born, it’s sad. Oh how I hope I am wrong.