Next week is my 22nd anniversary. I plan on sending my W flowers at work with a message, going to dinner with her, and I also got her a present of a ring.
The ring does seem a bit overboard, did you talk to your DB coach about it? Seems like a lot of pressure.
Next week is my 22nd anniversary. I plan on sending my W flowers at work with a message, going to dinner with her, and I also got her a present of a ring.
The ring does seem a bit overboard, did you talk to your DB coach about it? Seems like a lot of pressure.
After thinking about this, I agree the ring is overboard, and I will not give it to her. I'll save it for a Christmas present. Hopefully things will be much better then -- alway an optimist.
22nd Anniversary was yesterday. I had flowers delivered to W at her work with a nice note. She texted me a thankyou for the flowers and that it had her crying.
After we both returned from work, at home, she gave me a quick kiss and thankyou. We first went to a hotel overlooking the Pacific coast for drinks. The place has a fabulous view (and very expensive drinks!). We then went out to eat at an Italian place that she wanted to try.
We had a nice evening. Throughout we had conversations about normal day-to-day stuff -- no relationship talk. My W has come to grips with some things, but not all. She is getting happier about our new life in CA. She is still unhappy about her new job and lack of many friends.
I did not give her the ring, and I'm glad I didn't because it would have been too much pressure. My DB coach told me a few things that I find useful to recall:
1. continue to DB, don't slack up, maintain GAL, 180's, and everything. 2. in conversations about issues between us, use exploratory questions to let her come to conclusions. Don't try to fix her or tell her what to do because I would be blamed for it.
Today I went flying again, I'm now using my W's instructor because mine is on a 3-week vacation. I'm getting much better at landing. Still need some more practice.
One additional note about 22nd anniversary and expectations. I was really hoping to hear some positive love from W but I didn't. It was somewhat of a let-down for me. I need to keep expectations low and remember this is a long journey.
For Memorial Day went on a picnic along the CA coast. My W invited her GF and another family with 5 kids. We had a great time, but throughout I had this sense that my W really didn't want to be with me. She spent her time/energies with her GF (a younger, single, unemployeed alcoholic). To some extent I'm over-sensitive, and I know it. But also it is the multitude of little things: she moved from front seat of minivan to back to talk to GF, leaving me as I joked as the chaffuer; when we arrive to places she walks off with GF ahead of us or after us; etc.
I remind myself this is a long journey, and I am in a good spot, just not where I want to be.
