First, Don't be afraid to say how you feel. If you feel as though it's not working for you that's ok! It's a feeling. You're entitled to your feelings. However, L4ever if you believe that it's not working for you...then we have a problem.
You've DBing for a short time. Even if you first logged in to this site back in Aug that doesn't necessarily mean you started DBing that same day. I can tell you from my experience that H left 7/11, Read the book 9/11, I logged in 10/11, Didn't really, truly practice DBing til 2/12 AND didn't see the positive effects it was having with H n I til maybe 6-8mos after that.
DON'T USE MY TIMELINE AS A GUIDE! It's only for reference. Everyone has their own timeline and their own results.
If you don't want to do DBing, fine. Go to a 12 step program. Believe me, they practice very very similiar principles and they don't make a profit and been around for almost a century!!
Also, listen to MrBond. Happiness comes from within. How can we be more depressed than a terminally ill child, seriously.
I sometimes feel that it is not working for me as i just get no responce or movement in any way from the WAW. a few weeks back my coach said to me she is at a loss and does not know what to do next. so she came up with doing NC. well we all know how well i can stick to that (not). I was better at all this last year. now not so good all aspects of my life. Like i said every aspect of my life is changing. like i have lost.
I am looking for the good in life but i just do not see anything yet. I realy on God for help and Guidence but im not hearing anything. I mean c'mon what is going on here.
today all i did was get up and think of WAW as i always do every day. I just think does she think of me at all? but all i really wanted to do is text her to say how she must be around as the air around me smell so sweet. even in the bad times it was not so bad to have her around. Im i crazy? who knows. I just putting it all out on the table here. Also there is the question of if she really has turned lesbian or whatever. I do not know for sure and will never know until she tells me directly.
I am try to take everyones advice and i thank you for being blunt and honest with me. I need this. It is just like i said every aspect of my life has been turned upside down and were i have to move to ( my dads) it very depressing and im afraid i will go off the deep end if i stay there. But at this point have no choice but to move there.
As I type here now all i feel like and the thought i feel is i just wish it was all over. I want out.
I also think that well I have not told anyone that im moving back home with my dad. I feel like maybe WAW will think more what is he up to. also want to change my emails my phone number everything that she would have a way to contact me. But then I think of my Stepdaughter she needs my help from time to time. But i just feel like dropping off the face of the earth. just to see what she does..
I guess it is just yet an other way of me trying to control things. Im stuck i dont know what to do. I dont want to go home to dads as i cant call it mine. I have so much pain inside. Yes I know seems like this is all i do now is feel this way but i am really trying. I just need some down time life to just stop kicking me down.
I just truly want WAW back to share my life with her. something she wanted when we first meet and up to the last year befor things went bad after the car accident and like 5 surgeries. I realy could not do what i wanted with wife so she went and had a gay girlfriend over everyday and was helping her with her loss. and now if it is true WAW is gay too it is from this girl that did it. Im sure she built an EA then just pushed it to something more over time.i could keep going but i just do not know what to do. I do not want a divorce or this separation. i know it takes time and i need to get myself in a better place.it is just im not seeing anything to be hopefull for in WAW at this point. i have seen nothing but little things here and there. also june 10th is the wedding anniversary and i think of that too. what to do
