And I hear you on the blah, blah, blah. It does get old, doesnt it?
I know some days you just want to say, listen as$wipe, are you in or are you out, cuz I have a life to live here. LOL!
But the thing of it is, that it is a crisis and as much as we dont understand it, it cannot be rushed or pushed into completion. Otherwise, you just wind up back to square one.
Some days are harder than others. And that's ok. As long as you dont let it keep you down too long.
I apologize because I do realize I sound like a broken record... I'm so hurt, I'm so sad, blah blah blah...
Maybe I'm the a$$wipe lol!!
You nailed it with that comment though - I just want to know one way or the other. Feel like the wound is always being picked at for one reason or another in our current situation, never giving it a chance to heal.
I sure as hell don't want to end up back at square one!
If your latest computer graphics symbolize how deep I have to dig for patience, then I'm totally good
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
I'm sorry you're down. These days happen. Fear about the future, disgust about the present. I know, I know.
The thing about the potential vacation...first, it may never happen. There have been several events planned by my H that never happened. Two, it may happen but it may not be the pleasure H & OW envisioned. He may return with a different perspective.
My H has had plenty of activities, also, he insists on doing, that he only looks back on and has regrets. Not total regret as he is still needing to play out these teenage urges, but he does so and then looks back and sees it's not in line with what he wants so he steers some course correction.
How many times have I gone over in my mind...why did I have to be the one to sign up for this? Why couldn't I have married someone who wanted to try to work it out as badly as I do? Why couldn't it have said on the marriage certificate...to love and cherish and endure an MLC...then I could've known what I was getting into!
Sigh...I s'pose we all loved our spouses so much at that time we would've believed our love could have conquered anything. Anything! And most of us would've probably married them anyway!
Just musing.
Thinking of you, girl. I know it hurts. Even when intellectually you know it's getting better.
I hope your busy day at work helps keep your mind off your sitch.
When is the company meeting in June? Did you order your dress yet from NY&Co.?
Hugs, rH
P.S. Did you see on my last post how my H bought the Movado watch on eBay and didn't tell me? (thinking of the $ your H is spending). And as my H is moving his stuff back in, I see a lot of dress clothes -- fancy ones -- he obviously bought while out on his own. They have to have their $ spending apart from us. Just seems to be part of the whole MLC package. It hurts too, I know. And doesn't seem fair at all!
And while my H didn't have the A (as far as I know) I do know he bought these clothes to go out with women, dance with them, impress them, etc. It disgusts me to think of it. But I just have to detach, and accept and be happy for the progress we are making.
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
T, It is very normal to have highs and lows along the journey. You just happened to stumble across some information that sent you tumbling down just a bit. At some point, you'll need to remind him about withdrawing funds and not advising you of it...but sit quietly for now.
As for the trip he's thinking of going on, I'm like rH, it may never happen. I have learned that the more you agree w/what they want to do, the less likely that they will do it. They are looking for us to fight them tooth and nail on everything. When you let go and drop the rope, things change on their own.
You have a company meeting coming up in June, if you haven't ordered your dress, do so. It's time you did something really nice for yourself and I think the dress will do the trick.
T, it's okey to fall down, but don't stay on the ground too long because we will come along and pick you up and help you continue to move forward, even if you would prefer to stay in the down mode.
It's a new day, new adventures and yes, life is waiting out there for you to come out and play.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hi TVS... Not much to offer, just wanted you to know I am here too.((HUGSS)) for you.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Okay, first thing first... The dress situation is under control! I got the dress about a month ago, with new shoes to match! I believe the term is "hot to trot"
Thank you all for your words of kindness and support. It does help me to pick myself up again
Of course I've been thinking about my convo with H last night and his possible trip.
He was kinda strange when talking to me, and I haven't decided if it was because he had been drinking, was the teenager persona, both, neither, chatty because of guilt... It doesn't really matter.
I have this feeling that he will go on the trip. He seems to have a lot of the details already worked out (airfare, hotel, estimated cost...). He has gone on trips before when I haven't questioned him on it or given him a hard time.
Who knows... Maybe as rH suggested, he will go, but it will be a turning point in my favor...
It still blows my mind that he can stab me in the back and betray me in the worst possible way, yet look me in the eye and act like all is well here. Messed. Up.
He's out again this evening with his brother, which he informed me about last night. I find it ironic that he gets fussy if he thinks I don't give him enough notice of my plans, but he has a different set of rules for himself. Lol!
He was all super nice and attentive this morning, which usually means he's up to something or feels guilty. He even commented on my new red heels!
Trying to have hope when things can seem so hopeless.
I am thankful I have wonderful and supportive people to pick me up and keep me going. You are all truly a blessing.
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
H was kinda strange when talking to me, and I haven't decided if it was because he had been drinking, was the teenager persona, both, neither, chatty because of guilt... It doesn't really matter.
No, it really doesnt.
It still blows my mind that he can stab me in the back and betray me in the worst possible way, yet look me in the eye and act like all is well here. Messed. Up.
Um, ya think? Amazing they can do that, right?
I find it ironic that he gets fussy if he thinks I don't give him enough notice of my plans, but he has a different set of rules for himself. Lol!
They just dont get it, T. You know, jello for brains.
Trying to have hope when things can seem so hopeless.
There is always hope, my friend. Always.
It isnt over til you say it is.
I know this is terribly hurtful, this trip. And I know sometimes there really arent any words that will make it better.
I remeber when I was a teenager and my friend wanted to see what it was like to be with a different group than ours. And so, one of them invited her to a party. She was excited because it was different and maybe they were a little cooler than our group. And so she hung out with them a few times. She said it was cool but, it just doesnt seem the right fit. Yet, she couldnt quite bring herself to drop them right away. So, she kept going back and forth between both groups. Until one day, she said she realized she knew exactly where she belonged.
He's a teenager right now, T. Doesnt make it hurt any less. I know.
T, I know you know how I feel about you. But I wanted to tell you that I am so very proud of you.
