Letting Go & Moving Forward 2

[littleGTO]

Thanks, labug, for your empathy.

The past couple of nights I've reverted back to being sad at bedtime. Just sad for the whole situation. Self pity, I know. But, also sad for my family-the boys.

Yesterday I called H in the middle of the day (the first day he respected my boundaries about no visits on the weekends at the house) to ask about tying up some cardboard on our deck for recycling (well, that was my excuse for calling).

He was polite but clearly was not interested in chit-chat. I was and tried to bring up a few light topics before we hung up. I didn't linger too long (at least I didn't think I did), but I was sad when we hung up.

It felt like this weight on my shoulders...then tears. Those darn expectations. I know I shouldn't have called. Next time I will know better.

I'm actually hoping H decides NOT to come to our party this weekend. I think he will be uncomfortable and more importantly SO WILL I. I don't want to disuade him, but I really will be far more stressed if he is there.

Plus, I don't want him to think I expect anything from him (hosting, etc). I don't.

I've decided if there are people who ask where he is (as there will be many people who think we are still together) I will just answer "He's not here."

Do you think I should answer, "We are separated," instead. After all I don't want them to think he just went to get ice or something.

AND, I don't think it would be a good idea for me to DRINK much. I get HIGHLY EMOTIONAL when I drink. It would not be a pretty sight!

Any advice, other than to just relax, enjoy and have fun with the people who are there b/c I invited them?