A friend mentioned to me that the W had friend-ed the OM on FB on 5/6, the day after her admitting EA to me ... and also "liked" the restaurant he works at a couple days ago. I confirmed.
Steve, you've got to be prepared for these things. B/c you are probably going to find out even more. The woman has been unfaithful and she's so hung up on OM that she is seriously wanting to be free of this M so that it won't be a stumbling block for him. Not only can she not feel love for you, but she wants him to see her as single for the taking. Kind of a sick commitment. In her mindset, she believes that he will leave his family for her.....once he sees that she's left you.
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Her intent was to gauge where "I" was at with all this - and had I come to grips with the situation
Exactly! That is the WAW's version to temperature taking. She feels you out, and then ......wham! You did tell her that things were going to fast and that you needed to come to grips with the stitch. That was your reasoning with her when you were trying to get her to agree to some fashion of MC, right? Well, she hasn't forgotten the reason you gave for holding things back from the D. That's why she was checking to see where you were by now.
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Well since I had put my initial anger away about the EA initially and was trying to detach and 180 during this time without showing these emotions, they finally came to a head when she admitted she had talked to him since a couple times. Clearly this is how she wants to move forward, and mentioned again how she doesn't love me anymore.
Right, and she has told you not to have expectations, too. But you did. And the tighter you try to hold on to her, the harder she pulls to get away from you. That's why she keeps "reminding" you that she doesn't love you anymore and wants to move forward.
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Sorry guys I feel defeated.
Enough to drop the rope?
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I know my W pretty well and she is strong minded when she wants to be. If she can't see or want to see the damage that will incur because she is blinded by the thoughts of another, I can't endure the pain that will follow.
That would be a "yes" to both.... about her and about you.
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Talk about detached ... this is the first time my emotions have gone to this point about her.
B/c you continue to try to do the work....from your emotions....instead of your action plan. As long as you do that, then your emotions will get the best of you each time.
There is another way to handle this. When you are ready, and when you really see that you can't control her (or try to pull in others to help), and you can set her free...then you might be ready for the last resort after the LRT. (Not that you ever called yourself using the LRT.) Let me know what you decide.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
