soooo - as usual, trying to figure out how to both be "independent and un-obtainable " and "charming and desireable" at the same time. kind of seems at opposite ends of the spectrum. still work at stfu - mostly prevail. fail now or then.
just read dawn's attachment in one post about positive effect of lbs withdrawing from spouse. i'm tryin - i swear. succeeding- who the heck knows?
i keep sayin why the heck do you bother - to h's announcement he's coming up here for a week. i'm pretty insulted in general - always about the fact that he finds me unpalatable for three weeks out of four. i mean - really,? why bother to visit for a week at all.??? just skip it and save the $$...
still hanging on and hanging in there without delivering ultimatum or me running away myself. know why less and less.
it stinks- and i blew up the weed wacker to boo5t. this darn thing managed to not only strizzle out two strings that were too darn long and tanglie- it then sucked them up into the bottom of some part of the machine - so there are two giant loops coming out and going in and nothing can budge- cripes!
oh well- anyone with any words of wisdom feel free to "save" me here. i'm hanging on- but not so sure anymore why. h continues to be nice and pleasant and avoid conflict. does not say anhthing particularly enlightening or committal about anything.
ignores any ratty comments by me (yeah- they sometimes pop out wh4en i'm not looking) short, but maybe sarcastic - about his wonderful love life or some such. nothing whiney & pleading- but possibly ratty. i'm only hunam- now that i say it out loud- someone is going to point out it's pathetic and only indicates i'm still insulted or hurt and that IS HARDLY DETACHING.
OH NUTS. I DO SAY "do what you want and i don't care quite frankly" - in a pleasant and neutral tone. honestly- i just cannoty fight this all- change it - fix it and have accepted that fully. . isn't that tough or detached?
oh well- he thinks now he has to finish the roof on the garage. who the heck cares? the whole damn thing could crumble for all i give a dam - he asks if there's a list of things to do? wtf????/ like- he thinks it's "purchase manhatten" allover again - - he gets to give me a string of beads and walk away with my island.
well, walked away with my entire youth/adult life so far- but hey- buy me a stupid bag of groceries and that more than "pays" for a lifetime of lies??? wtf - how dumb do i look - apparently very very very dumb....
