does it ever end? i wonder? it seems sooo long dawn. i'm sorry you had this backslide- but then, you've had your head on straight about it all - - - all along. me, i get a bit "rosey" sometimes - not much lately tho.
you've definitely been standing your ground and have decided (something) about what you will and will not take.
i , like you, don't want to be what (apparently)h wants me to be in his life. i'm in it for more- waaaay more.
we're people who find themselves in the position of him not wanting me to be to him what i am (or was?) (or represent). who the heck knows?) and i do not want him as he is (definitely not the man i met and fell in love with)
can there be some kind of meeting of the minds about this all-
as usual - when i thnk of him coming back- i think why bother? if a week is all he has to spare- if he can't stand me around him for three weeks - then comes here for one week- for what I wonder? to make sure i'm still awful? to make sure i still compare unfavorably to ow? etc.
your h and the dream- the spew - wtf??? he sure reminds you why you are "done". (alot). mine too i guess, if i 'm honest. the neutrality and bizarre (feeling to me anyway) interaction that is mostly light fluff & bs . i'm soooo not a bs kinda gal in life. be real- or go away. i just don't do image and facade & so on at all. not me
oh well- i began reading that link you posted above- am here to go finish it. looked for a minute last nite- my nbeice was here working on herhomework & visiting so i didn't finish.
it's some stuff i need to read and reread and remember- i'm at my usual three weeks of not having to "be" anything in life- and now feel all like something is "expected" of me , my behavior- i do not think i can do the turn on a switch and be all charming and in love with him. i'm neutral a bit myself- i feel myself distancing - i keep on doing this - dbing- i don't know why exactly. convenience i guess- lack of desire to plung in and really really seriously ACCEPT AND DO the all alone thing. i can't imagine it's not coming-
the more and longer he is away- the less i want to feel for him- and the less i guess i actually do feel for him.
he's killing "us" - slowly but surely- your's is doing it by constant contact - mine by not so much.
hope your day is okay- you sound pretty good all things considered- let me go look at your link attqched - about withdrawing (which i know i need to do more- but it's kind of difficlut to show it over a stupid phone line?!!!
oh well- back to comment.
hang on- we're gonna laugh about this five years from now (i'm pretty sure?Q!) i hope anyway
