A New Beginning - after 2 years...

[Tallula]

"I guess I ask because I judge my behaviors based on a standard of trying to be kind and do the right thing. So when the distrust comes into play, I do feel guilty that perhaps I am judging my H unfairly, that perhaps I should just continue being kind and trusting, because that is the person I want to be - regardless of my H's motivations and actions... Yet, I also think about my kids. I believe I have a responsibility and moral obligation to think about their well-being first - and that perhaps being distrustful and overly cautious during this D process is the right thing to do - for them..."

I am a trusting person by nature. I refuse to allow my sitch to change that within me. But, what I have changed is that I watch people's actions, and proceed accordingly. My H has been a total jhole of a husband. He sleeps with OW, so I don't sleep with him. When he was being unkind and cruel, I went NC except for kid stuff. When he started no showing on the kids, I stopped depending on him. But, he has said from the very beginning that he will be more than fair to me in a D and toward the kids. He has not wavered on this. He ran out of money to live on and has not once asked for it from me. His paycheck is still deposited in our joint account that he does not use for his living expenses. This was agreed upon when we separated. He has changed all of the above things as well, but I'm still not sleeping with him...hehe.

Anyway, I guess my point is, that being a kind and trusting person doesn't mean we are a chump and trust everyone no matter what they do. You need to take care of you and your kids. Period. He has shown himself to be less than trustworthy in the money department. Proceed accordingly.

You are awesome. The end.