How long does it take to make one's soul whole again? I feel like I'm so far from where I want to be. I still feel sad. I still cry. I still feel disconnected.
I'm busy working, raising the boys and maintaining my home. Slowly, I'm starting to add interests back in. I've scheduled a tennis match this week with the hope that I will start playing competitively again. I've missed two seasons and lost my rating so it will take some work to get back to where I was. I'm thinking about joining my golf league again too. I will have to re-establish my handicap since I've been away for awhile. I've been working in my garden, planting flowers, even though I still don't know if I will be keeping my home.
I'm trying to get beyond the pain and emptiness, but it's hard. All of my interests and hobbies just don't matter as much anymore. I'm not sure if it's because I'm tired and worn out from the D or if I'm still overwhelmed with all that I have to take care of by myself.
I guess I'm still between sadness and acceptance in the grief cycle. I can tell this will be the longest part of healing. I do feel content and happy a lot, but with an undercurrent of emptiness. Something, someone is still missing.
