I really do see what everyone is saying. I don't expect this to change anything. I have come to accept that she is gone. My thing, that seems a little different from most on here, is that I never said this stuff to her. I found DB quite early in my sitch so I kept quiet about many things. I didn't keep this stuff to myself because I was hurt, I kept it to myself because I tried to give her space. I just hate to think that I never was able to speak my mind.
The present tense of "I cannot" should not be in there, I agree.
M 37 W 36 T22 M14 D8 D4 8/2012 distanced BD 11/2012 (likely wants D. Feelings have changed.) W move out date: June 8th.
Grizz I think if it makes you feel better and you feel that you don't want anything left unsaid before she moves then by all means send it. Like Urworthy said, if your head is in the right place then that is what matters. I wrote a letter like that in mid February while I was at a salient retreat for 3 days with the advice of a priest. It did feel good to get it out, but she wasnt ready for that now that I know shad just spent weekend with OM a few days before that. Looking back I feel embarrased for sending it. At the time I felt just like you and felt I had to get it on paper. Have no expectations of a reply that's for sure
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
If I remember correctly AS said on somebody's thread when he or she wanted to write a letter that he hasn't read a single story here where it did any good.
Some of you have better memories regarding what I've said than I do You are quite right, that was me. I've read tons of sitches on here, even though I joined last year I've dug through the archives and read a lot of older sitches as well. Lots of letters have been sent and more often than not the WAS doesn't even acknowledge receiving it.
So Grizz, like the others have said, send it if it if you need to for YOU, but don't have any expectations. My email to W didn't change anything in my sitch, but it did make ME feel better because I felt like I said what I needed to say and there was no need to keep bringing it up in the future. It made it easier for me to let go of that desire to keep reminding W the door was still open.
Labug and AS, I agree, sometimes you just have to say some things. I have no expectations that she will even respond.
W asked me what I thought about leaving with the kids for the entire weekend that she moves. I guess I don't have to decide now whether to help her move or not.
M 37 W 36 T22 M14 D8 D4 8/2012 distanced BD 11/2012 (likely wants D. Feelings have changed.) W move out date: June 8th.
That's exactly what I would do. She wanted this, she wanted to move out. Let her handle it. Take the kids and go do something fun that will keep your mind off of her leaving.
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
Grizz, just make sure your W and you are in agreement about what she's taking. My W wasn't offering ANY info leading up to her moving, so I contacted her and asked her to sit down with me to discuss what she was taking so that we would both know in advance and therefore not get angry over a misunderstanding. We sat down that evening and very quietly went over every single item she planned on taking. It was a negotiation process, there were things she was taking that I didn't care about and other things that I did. Some of the things I cared about were not a big deal to her, so had we not talked she might have taken things that upset me that she really didn't want anyway. And there were some things that she didn't plan on taking until she found out I didn't care about them. There were other things that we both wanted, but we were able to peacefully resolve every single thing. We both walked away with a full understanding of what she was taking. She moved while I was at work and it all went quite smoothly, there were only a few "surprises" and nothing particularly upsetting.
In doing this there's the obvious advantage of knowing in advance what she's taking/ not taking, but there's also a benefit in showing her that the two of you can sit down and peacefully resolve what could be a very explosive situation.
about writing to W, I agree with previous comments about if it is right for you. In my case, my W responds well to letters -- she gives letters a lot of weight, and it also recalls when we were dating long-distance and wrote letters to each other almost every day (yes, before Internet, email, FB, and everything else we have today).
So sometimes a letter is a more powerful way to deliver a message. Also, she can read it again and again. Maybe it won't help now, but a month from now?
You are quite right, that was me. I've read tons of sitches on here, even though I joined last year I've dug through the archives and read a lot of older sitches as well. Lots of letters have been sent and more often than not the WAS doesn't even acknowledge receiving it.