i'm alone and doing things for me are not as pleasant as for someone else that is being made happy by it.. it's soooo dopey i can't even explain properly - are you experiencing anything like this?
Yes! I know I have it better w/kids and all but at the end of the day, I don't have a love of my own, to hold me, take care of ( i love feeding the one i love) cuddle w or even ML.
Yea, H has wanted to ML on two occasions and I have thwarted the idea successfully mainly because he puts himself down (ED). I don't have a problem trying to be intimate w him, his infidelity was almost 2 yrs ago as brief as it was, it's the chemistry.
Right now he's like a brother, there's no butterflies, no weak in the knee's, no tingle up and down brought on by a look or a touch. I have always been more sexual than him, wanting more, wanting different, uninhibited, so going back to him without as much as a flutter over me, sounds boring!
Doing anything for myself, by myself has always been a challenge. I have to say I am getting ok w being alone at times, mainly because I know the alternative is him, and the lack of it all. I want more, I can say (right now) I want new, I want the romance, the feelings, I'm so bored w trying to be in repair, and for what?
I will continue to let him try, I am being pretty receptive for the most part, while staying away, if that makes sense. I don't like the staying back part, it doesn't feel real, but I will see this to the end following the proverbial rules. What do I want? A perfect reconciliation w better than ever L, laughter, respect, faithfulness, loyalty, and honor
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