Tx... I can't seem to get into yoga, and not sure how to meditate or where to learn more about it.
Bond, wouldn't you say Im addicted to my rel'p or H? (I don't know if addicted is the right word), but Is this not a place where I could learn about co-dependency?
Recalling our R talk from the other day. H did alot of the talking and admitted that our sex life was wrong. That he felt justified in expecting me to perform for justification for the amount of work he did and the facebooking I was doing. At the time, I just nodded my head. Not sure how I was to validate him on this. I would love to hear more about his thoughts on this, I guess its too late to bring it up again with him, huh?
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Hey Snodderly... are you still recommending the Solo Partner these days?
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
I went to church today (180), they spoke about letting go and letting God have his way. I need to do this. I need to let go.. I just don't know how, when I really don't want to let go. I know I need to, but how.
I surrender.
Please God, take my rel'p. Please bring it back to me once repaired. I give my h to you. Please give me strength to follow through this. Please hold my hand and guide me.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
I find weekends, especially long weekends tough, as the communication between h & I stop. ALL WEEKEND. I am learning new things to do on my time off. Went to church today (180), and then went for a 2hr hike with friends/neighbours. VERY GOOD. Many beautifil sights and smells along the trail.
But, I still long for this time to spend with h. I miss him. I feel like we are wasting time (that could be happy). But, I also realize he is not himself now, so what am I missing? I am missing what I thought I could never lose. I can't believe he doesn't want to spend time in our family way. He is losing out. I feel my D & I are losing out too.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Wfm I think your doing better. Detachment is a bit c h. Keep going to church and make support connections. Goto alanon. I'm going to try it Thursday and compare it to ACOA . Really read that thread I put on your page about detachment. It helps me. You hit the nail on head y be around someone who is not there self
Is alanon similar to what is being offered by the church about recovering from addiction?
About that link...YES! I actually read it several times a day. Its a good reminder. Thank you.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Alanon is for spouses and people involved with alcoholics and addicts. It does do a good job of addressing codependency issues I think. Even though my ex had no addiction issues, a friend gave me the Alanon book The Courage to Change and it was quite helpful.
I would try a meeting. I happened to find a meeting at my local church. Start googling Alanon + your city. I've never been but I think Codependency is a form of addiction.
"and not sure how to meditate or where to learn more about it.
"Bond, wouldn't you say Im addicted to my rel'p or H? (I don't know if addicted is the right word),"
No you're not "addicted" to your H. This was your H who you trusted and he broke your trust. It's human nature.
"but Is this not a place where I could learn about co-dependency?"
IMHO, sometimes there's a problem when people toss around the word "codependent" all the time. You depending on the other person and they on you is how M is. Someone in the relationship may rely on the person more, but it's a choice on both sides and it's not always a bad thing.
"Recalling our R talk from the other day. H did alot of the talking and admitted that our sex life was wrong. That he felt justified in expecting me to perform for justification for the amount of work he did and the facebooking I was doing."
Was what he said true? It seems like he wanted "validation". A man gets a sense of his own self worth from his job. The bigger picture is that maybe he didn't feel like you appreciated his efforts. Did you spend alot of time facebooking?
"I guess its too late to bring it up again with him, huh?"
Yes don't bring it up. However, it gives you an insight as to what he was thinking. File it away with all your other insights and correct what you can.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
