I think they are aware of them, at least W has told me this in some of her processing. They are stuffed down deep in the anger phase, and when they do think of how we might be feeling, it makes them more angry at us during that phase. In other phases it does cause them a lot of guilt and pain, which can feed into depression or the "Run!" response (at least with my W, per her). She would run to her online replay/PA OM to escape those very uncomfortable feelings, or get so frustrated and worked up, and drop another BD, as I experienced...
W has commented many times, in those moments of clarity, that she was amazed at how I was doing, that I could be happy/content/keeping on with this horrible sitch in my life...she hasn't said if that made her question where happiness comes from, or anything like that, but I do believe it does make them question...though W seems to still hang onto that happiness just comes from somewhere "out there" through most of this, though I know she has cognitively looked at that question, but maybe that responsibility is tough to accept for her during this time...idk...mind reading...
Here's a microbrew to keeping the road home paved smooth with our in-house mlc'ers!! <clink!> T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
