Help & Advice Needed Please (Thread 3)

[Spartan]

I do feel like I'm making, and have made an awful lot of progress. I am already a better and different person to the one she left.

I agree from reading all your posts. Just wanted to remind you of that

I can honestly say my relationship with our Son has never been better.

Always remember that's the most important relationship in your life. If it's gotten better then I'd call that another win. He's seeing the person you've become and seeing you stand for what you believe in and he will remember that.

Yes, of course I want to do all of this for me - but equally I was hoping I may see some progress within my sitch - but as of yet, nothing.

Understandable, try not to let that get you too down. You now realize you have no control over your M or your relationship with your W. She is on her own path right now. All you have control over is you and how you portray yourself to your son. Sounds like you're doing good in the things you can control...

[Intact]

Ok so something unexpected has happened...

I've met someone I really like. Have to stress here that I've done nothing about it but its seriously given me something to think about.

The woman is younger than me - and she's actually working abroad for 6 weeks - leaving today. I'm hoping this will give me time to get my head and thoughts straight.

This was massively unexpected but I can honestly say for the first time since it began I'm not worried about my sitch or consumed by what my wife is or isn't doing...

I'm not going to rush anything. I clearly have lots to think about.

[Intact]

...

[JRG]

Does this women know about your situation yet?

[Intact]

Yes she does - she knows everything. I live in a very small town and gossip gets around very fast.

[Intact]

JOURNAL

So clearly I have a lot to think about... Been thinking of the woman I've met a great deal - and the first time since my sitch began I can honestly say I feel truly detached from my W - and its helping me to see things much more clearly.

I realise I have to be careful here and not fall into the "love" trap my Wife did with OM - this is why I think the 6 weeks I have now are important.

Thinking somewhat clearly about my sitch and my W... I never once felt that an affair would be a deal breaker for me. What may be, and it is something I still feel anger towards was the fact that she wasn't there for me in any way when my Dad passed - not even a singly text message. I have to work out if I can ever get past this if we were to R.

The truth is, I feel good. I know I've improved myself and I will continue to do so but for the first time in months my thoughts aren't with my W - my thoughts are very much of my own future and how I want to shape that.

[Intact]

I keep thinking and thinking about everything (not the woman I've met but our sitch) and I really think I could be done.

So much has been said and gone on and I finally feel like i'm "me" again. Strong, confident, independent). Divorce doesn't scare me anymore.

I massively respect the posters on here who stay stuck in limbo for years. I really do.

I never wanted this for our Son - but she did and if Divorce Busting has taught me anything it's that I can't control the thoughts, feelings or actions of others.

Regardless of what I decide - I'll never have regrets. I did the best I could and we had a wonderful child together and some created some amazing memories together.

Perhaps that's where our story ends.

[Intact]

...

[AnotherStander]

I've met someone I really like. Have to stress here that I've done nothing about it but its seriously given me something to think about.

The woman is younger than me - and she's actually working abroad for 6 weeks - leaving today. I'm hoping this will give me time to get my head and thoughts straight.

I dated (sort of still am) a younger woman so let me just throw this out there for you to think about- now I have TWO sitches instead of ONE At first everything was beyond fantastic, we got along great and I was experiencing first-hand all those puppy love feelings we talk about here when our spouses get into an EA or PA. My thoughts were constantly "WOW, I've never felt THIS with W, this is something unique and different, maybe true looooove!" Despite those feelings I did manage to reign myself in and take it slow. A couple of months later I'm getting 10x the drama from this new R then I've had dealing with separation and my upcoming divorce. Now instead of feeling puppy love I'm thinking "how in the world did I get into this mess?" and "do I really need this right now with so much other stuff going on?" I'm not telling you not to proceed, I'm just saying take it slooooow. I took it slow but not slow enough. I should have taken it slooooow or maybe even sloooooooooooooow

[Intact]

Thank you AS I absolutely intend to take it slow if I do proceed. I won't even see her for another 6 weeks.

But even with the new woman out of the picture I am pretty I'm done. I actually feel like filling for divorce.

When I really started to think and really looked inside myself I thought "you know what, I'm pretty happy" but I need to close this chapter and I think the only way I can do that is by proceeding with divorce. I know now that I can be happy even if I'm on my own...