Where I am today. My W knows that I know about the divorce paperwork she has generated from a no fault website. She expects me to roll over...mostly because I told her I would if thats what she really wanted. W has taken an 11K loan against her 401K to pay off loans, opened a new bank account for me only, ect...she is racing toward a divorce.
I need vet assistance immediately please. I am a disabled combat veteran without the means to afford the telephone coaching provided by this site.
Specifically...I need to know how to approach the coming conversation between us. I dont feel I should leave the family home, while I respect her wishes. I am not sure how exactly to have this upcoming conversation with a WAS/MLC W.
Me-45,W-36 M-12 yrs, T-15 years SS- 16 Nov 2003 Initial B date, 2-3 others since EA/PA OM 2003-2004 Reconciled 2004 May 2013 Final BD, W completely detaches W files D June 2013 I am moving out 26 July 2013
Write down here what you think you would say, and what you think you would practice to prepare yourself. That will give you something to do while you wait for a vet, and will give him/her something to reflect on.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
I suggest, you definitely do not leave the house. She wants the divorce. Other than that, I'm not sure. I think Adinva had good advice. I can also suggest don't make it a fight or anything like that.
SFC, I would not leave. Seriously. This may or may not go against others' advice, but... Only a monster would tell a disabled vet to go make himself essentially homeless just so her D will be easy. But, yeah, I would throw some ideas of what you're thinking about saying out here for folks to chew on and offer suggestions.
As I see it, in the next 24 to 48 hours I have two options.
Option A) Stay LRT and say nothing. I have to be honest with you all, I dont think the LRT is working at all. Yes, I realize it has only been a short time period to even begin to work, but with the speed and methodical distancing from the R in all ways the W is going...I think it is too late to stop W from filing for D by simply ignoring the elephant in the room, no matter how much space I give her.
Option B) Present her with a list of talking points. Of which, I agree that our R is beyond repair at this time, but we need to slow things way down. That with my investments in the house and property I do not think its fair that I am being forced out into a hovel, that I can not afford, and must leave everything behind. That we can continue to co-habitate in separate, but equal quarters. We continue to share in the household responsibilities, paying of the bills, ect...but will for all intents and purposes be separated. No physical contact, and will allow W to initiate any verbal communication.
Me-45,W-36 M-12 yrs, T-15 years SS- 16 Nov 2003 Initial B date, 2-3 others since EA/PA OM 2003-2004 Reconciled 2004 May 2013 Final BD, W completely detaches W files D June 2013 I am moving out 26 July 2013
I dont know how to address Option B without both pushing her...or making her resentful and angry. I made it clear that I respect her decisions, and have myself begun detaching from the R. I am GAL'ing the best I can, and staying busy. I have 180'd the main source (supposedly) of the DB for over a month, but she is still acting as if too little too late. And I do get that...for years I have said I would quit, and she would catch me eventually...so one month isnt exactly trust worthy. But for me its a start.
So I am caught in the bind of the promise I made that if she did present D papers I wouldnt fight her...and the reality now of being more or less homeless and in poverty.
I just feel she is doing this as fast as possible because somewhere, she is afraid that if she doesnt finalize it ASAP...she will slip back into the R. I know, I am mind reading...but what else makes sense?
Me-45,W-36 M-12 yrs, T-15 years SS- 16 Nov 2003 Initial B date, 2-3 others since EA/PA OM 2003-2004 Reconciled 2004 May 2013 Final BD, W completely detaches W files D June 2013 I am moving out 26 July 2013
My thoughts...and maybe I missed it. Are you both paying for the mortgage? Is she kicking you out of the house?
Make her do all the work as far as D, but you have to let her go. Also do you get some disability from the military? Maybe they can help you with your housing? I don't know not familiar with the disability. But sounds like she is moving with the D...and the basics, the more you talk her out of it the more she will move forward.
So just to be clear you're willing to live in the same roof separately?
Just some thoughts SFC, good luck .
Newman
me40; W43 M18; T~20 D18; S13 & S3 bomb 5/9/11 EA busted 4/30/12; 9/4/12; 4/29/13; 6/10/13 same OM
Separated 4/1/14
"Even a flicker of light will shine through darkness-12/25/2012"....better days ahead.
