Yes WH, we get to see the good, the bad, and the ugly by living with them. For me, it has been so eye opening... I have seen what an MLCer does on a daily basis. He truly didn't even try to keep up the happy go lucky facade with me - I saw his dark side very quickly...
It's not being affected by the darkness that can be tricky.
I give you all the credit in the world, because your H is really OUT THERE.
Hi UW!
There have been many discussions on the boards since I've been here on what is better - the MLCer home or not. I don't think either is easy.
They both have their advantages and disadvantages. Seems like we as the LBS don't typically get to choose which it is anyway - it seems to be chosen for us, then we take it from there and learn to deal.
Personally, I am glad (overall) that my H has been home thus far on the journey. As you said, we have been able to see each others changes. He has grown to be comfortable in the house again. His home. Our home.
But by far, the biggest reason I am happy he has been here is the boys. When he was distant, and mean, and impatient with them in the months pre and post bomb, it was incredibly hurtful. It still hurts to think about it.
But... I feel that healing has begun in that area. For him to embrace fatherhood again is an answer to my prayers. It's the embracing me/our M that is yet to be determined...
I guess that there is a fine line between cake eating and letting everything play out without interfering. I'm sure many would say my H is cake eating - and maybe he is - my opinion on that changes all the time.
For now, my decision is to continue on as I have been, loving him unconditionally, trying to see this through. Going till I can go no more. No ultimatums, no demands. He has had the space and time to work his stuff out.
It just can't be indefinitely.
Hi Gal!
I often wonder if my H ever thinks of my feelings. Part of me says no - the only feelings he really thinks about are his own. Even with OW, it's all about how she makes him feel.
But then I see the guilt - if he had no conscience, there would be no guilt. I think a part of him cares about my feelings, but he is just so messed up, that right now he's not capable of the deep emotions we feel.
And I think when he sees my happiness, it is unsettling to him. Mind reading? Perhaps. It just seems that the more I move on and grow and establish happiness within myself, the more he takes notice.
He may be waiting for me to make a move. Who knows what goes on in that brain?!?!
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The preschool show was great! S5 did a fantastic job (not that I'm biased or anything!), and I was very proud of his performance and behavior
H was pretty normal. We were trying to save a lot of seats, so he sat in the row behind me, a few seats down. Still uncomfortable sitting next to me? Maybe.
A few times during the show I couid feel him staring at me. When a glanced back, there he was - sometimes with a blank stare, sometimes with a big smile.
We all went out to dinner afterwards, and it was good. Didn't sit by me again, but didn't act bizarre like he did for his birthday.
On the way home, he said he didn't feel well, that his stomach was bothering him. Once we got home, the texting began!
At least it wasn't during our family time.
It was a nice evening, and I am grateful for the happy memory for S5. He really seemed to love having all his family there.
I'm happy it went well tonight. Going to bed at peace
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
