well ok just woke up well been up since 6am. I have so much to do and just do not know what to do. I am just so screwed in the head. I need to get stuff out of this house but just cant seem to get to do it and honestly no idea where to start. WAW really turned my entire life upside down. Why cant she just come talk to me i just want it to be how it was before. but i know im nutz
Am i just crazy or obsessed that i still want to try to work this out after this long. Have there really ever been any one this stuff worked for. Yeah i have read the stories but are they really true. Again I am just so messed up and i blame all this on my WAW . I know i have alot on my plate seems all at one time biggest thing is i need to move back home as i can not seem to find a place to live because of my dog. i will not let him go he is all i have.I need some hope i need something Good to start to happen in any part of my life. I need something to get me unstuck.
Im not going to file divorce or separation. But i just keep thinking the long this goes the less chance i have. i mean cmon i need to get reaal here but still want hope. I have no time to read DB or DR book at this point.
Im not sure how much longer i can go feeling like this. Why do i feel like im the victum and i will never recover. yes im depressed and down and everything negative. I am so [censored] up in in my head the way i feel everything. I feel that everything i am doing im doing because of my feelings and not thinking. i ask for God to hel but i just feel he is not doing anything. im so alone. help
Yes i will try to see the dr but dont think im going to get the help i need. My theropist can not give out drugs to. so i go to my PC Dr. i hate everything about my life.
things are just a little overwhelming at this point. im doing what i need too but very slow doing it. i know it needs to be done im just not in any hurry to do it.but i have so much to do....
Good lord why is it i feel so stuck and lost and lonely and angry and confused just totally messed up
Yes this advice does help. but all during the packing all i think of is f&*( this. but i do it. I have packed the house all is out that I can get out. I had a gaol of getting my temporary saltwater tank setup at my dads and it is done. It is just so very depressing there and thats where i have to move to till i find a place. I am so depressed now and this has to be added to it. I need a place to call my own.
I just cant get my stupid head past thinking about WAW what is she doing does she feel the same as I do is she having a hard time with this too (maybe not as bad but is this bothering her... Why is she not contacting me Why is she so unwilling to talk and if she wants it over why is she not doing something about it. Do i really have a chance i know it will take time but if i stay the way i feel i dont know where i will wind up. so many more that i cant think of them. oh Why is not even saying where she moved to. She moved once i by chance found her. then a few months later she moves again.
I just feel like moving home is not the best thing but every one say it is. BS i say. But who knows. I cant wait to talk to my coach. Everyone i talk too says let her go divorce her even her family said so. they just want me happy. but I know that i have seen others get back together after some time. I also have a theropist that was separated for 5 years and there back and better. but yet she tells me no separation just get a divorce. just let her go. how can someone do that.
Ok off to cut the lawn here maybe for the last time.
what is she doing Not sure. It wasn't my turn to watch her.
does she feel the same as I do I don't know.
is she having a hard time with this too (maybe not as bad but is this bothering her... I don't know.
Why is she not contacting me Because she is not ready to.
Why is she so unwilling to talk and if she wants it over why is she not doing something about it. Because she is not ready to do anything
Do i really have a chance Yes. There is always a chance.
Why is not even saying where she moved to. She moved once i by chance found her. then a few months later she moves again. Does it matter where she lives right now?
I just feel like moving home is not the best thing but every one say it is. BS i say. But who knows. I cant wait to talk to my coach. Everyone i talk too says let her go divorce her even her family said so. they just want me happy. but I know that i have seen others get back together after some time. I also have a theropist that was separated for 5 years and there back and better. but yet she tells me no separation just get a divorce. just let her go. how can someone do that. I don't want to live here, either. However, it is one of the few options available. I can't go home just yet. I am not ready to. You have a safe place to go to. You will be okay there. Just take a good deep breath...
Ok off to cut the lawn here maybe for the last time. Lawn cutting was always good therapy for me.
i just feel so alone I understand that feeling. I am bored, too.
“Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out” ― Art Linkletter
well an other day and trust trying to get past any thoughts of WAW. Does anyone here just thing I am obsessed with her. I just do still love her. But my therapist is saying that you are not in love with the WAW you married. She is gone but is that really try. I mean the therapist herself said she was separated for 5 years Husband came back. But they have talked all the time.
Only diff here is my WAW has not really talking to me like she just does not care. so what to i do. I and trying to move one day a time and just get by. im trying to focuse on finding a place to live but have the mood of I just do not care anymore.
Should I be worried that im in a bad bad case of depression. moving home with dad i feel will make me even more depressed. I have been told i look good but I have lost lots of weight. Well that could be that I have not really eaten anything for weeks. just a slice of pizza. I go to work to try to get my head out of this and can not. There is no one there anymore. with IBM and all the layoffs my location is a ghost time. there are many days I may say 5 words all day long. all i can think of i wish i was comming home to my wife and be going to dinner and giving her daily massages. sticking little i love you nots in her lunch box and pockets all thos things she enjoied. i think that some place we got very complacent from the car accident i had and we stopped alot of that. I am just stuck on that. I am sure she is stuck on all the bad stuff. so how can one purson get them to change. I also feel that moving totlay out od the area that is what i have to do is not good as i will loss contack with the ones i met over here and that is going to hurt more.
yes i will admitt this today i really do just feel like my life is over. if i was gone who the hell would care. every one says moving home with dad is a good thing, but you have to understad that is a very dark depressing place that smells bad and i cant do this now. I know my dad will love it and i can save lots of cash but what good it that if i can not be happy.
can one person take all this negitive in there like. I cant deal with being home. i do not like it but i have no place to go. I mean i can still take the place the WAW friends house. but do i want to no. gut says no and then WAW will know where I am just like now but i just feel that i need to find a place that no one has any idea where it is. I feel so much like the victom an hhow do i change this. I just want it all back soo howlong can i take this. Yesh i am vayudepredd. Keep thiking wife has a much beete lif ndf
I see that you packed a box ysterday and completed it as painful as it might have been. Good. Don't pack a box today, do something else. Cut the grass again, take your dog for a walk, fix some ramen and eat it.
You are depressed, I get that. I was depressed for a long time and one day I decided I had to get in charge of myself and I started with baby steps. Doing at least one thing that was good for me every day.
Every day.
I started meditating, at first I got no benefit but it got me through another 30 minutes of an otherwise interminable day.
Then I started a little yoga, some thing, mostly something to pass some time. But after a while it begin to be something I looked forward to.
I also watched hours of The Office, over and over because it would occasionally make me laugh. And when I laughed it gave me hope. I was sorry to see that show end because it was a lifeline for me.
I started riding my bike, a little at a time, no pressure, no set distances, no speed, nothing that I would "fail" at, just to get out and get moving.
I know how you're feeling but it can get better. The first step is up to you.
The question about who would miss you, your dad.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
