Hi, good to hear from old timers and thanks as always for great input! I decided to take the bull by the horns and interfere - something I have long desisted from doing.
So I sent my xh the following email = lighted touch paper and retire - warning, do NOT try this in the early stages of MLC - I am trying HBs advice about the latter stages - a hard poke with a sharp stick.
"While I am saying like it is, your children and their partners find your bringing (OW) along when visiting them, without asking if it is OK, is impolite. Do you never consider how other people might feel? Who they might like to have in their home? Just because she is your long term partner does not give her any place at all in their world.
This is no symmetry in parent child relationships. We accept their partners, but they do not have to accept ours
Until you have sorted out your relationship with your children adding another person into the mix on their territory is unwise, and really out of order If you don't get this check it out with someone sane.."
This is a most uncharacteristic email for me to send. I have pursued a strict policy of non interference to date, and extreme politeness to my very diffcult xh but you know after 7+ years I do not care what he thinks or feels. But my youngest son's gf who is really polite is struggling with this, and doesn't know how to say it to him nicely. She doesn't like OW2, is very fond of me, and feels strongly that my xh should not show up with OW in tow. It is her apartment, and her home. Something my xh does not appear to grasp.
And yes, I believe he is going to get MUCH worse before he gets better However if you have survived abandonment divorce and breast cancer a few temper tantrums form someone who has lost his grip on reality isn't going to cut much ice,
I agree with Wentiki - Not if he came gold plated I have a total compassion bypass
