It's been busy at the TVS household. Just the usual... work, kids, house, life!
H continues to be interesting. He did something the other day I think is pretty significant...
I come home from yoga a few nights ago, and H and the boys were outside. Except that S5 was in time out for not being nice to his brother.
When I asked what happened, H told me, and added, "Don't talk to him while he's in time out, he shouldn't get any attention."
This annoyed me because a. Don't give me orders and b. I'm the one who says that all the time anyway. But I didn't say anything, and went inside to shower.
At bedtime, H convinces S5 to get a shower instead of a bath - something we have been working on. It went really well, and S5 was actually very excited about it
After the boys were in bed, I told H he did a good job with S5. I reiterated how excited he was to get a shower. H seemed pleased, and added that he is also trying to work on dealing with his own anger/temper. That he knows when he gets mad at S5 he yells or puts his hands on him, and he doesn't want S5 thinking that is the way to deal with anger. That he sees S5 act like him sometimes, and he wants to be a better example.
The thing is... This is all very true. The fact that he not only recognizes it, but is working on changing it, I think is huge.
This does give me hope.
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As for me...
I feel like my emotions have been all over the place lately. I have moments where I bounce back to the thought that maybe he shouldn't be living with us. My anger and hurt resurface about him and OW. Sometimes I feel like I'm just as confused as he is.
And I acknowledge that my detachment fluctuates also. I do think I detach the best that I can with him here. It's still hard at times though.
It helps that things have been so busy - some things by choice, others just life stuff- and that the days have literally been flying by.
Tomorrow S5 has his end of the year preschool program. Both sets of grandparents will be there, plus a few cousins. H was weird last year for the program, plus I had caught him in a lie that morning, and chose not to bother confronting him about it. It was a stressful evening.
Hoping tomorrow goes better. I believe it will.
That's all for me tonight - good night
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
