I think all you can do is lean into it. Assuming you think the terms are fair, don't fight her. Being divorced is not the same as being done -- only you decide when you're done. Give her some space and time to be apart from you, and you use that time to your best advantage.
I have yet to see any value in procrastination, it will just push her farther away
I'm very sorry you find yourself here -- cheating on and divorcing a wounded combat veteran is a tragedy, but you have proven how strong you are and how much you can take. You'll get through this too.
Acc
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
Accuray I hear you brother, and I am prepared to "let her go". I have been doing great over the past two weeks.
Heres my issue. I am disabled...I am unemployed...I contributed a large sum of cash to this house and the M, leaving me nothing. And now I am going to be kicked to the curb? That is what I am struggling with...not really her moving toward D. We are walking our own paths now...and be they diverge perminently or come together sometime in the future has yet to be seen. But I am not looking forward to having all my crap in a storage container (which I cant afford), and living in an efficiency apt with nothing...including my dog.
Dude...I am wrecked.
Me-45,W-36 M-12 yrs, T-15 years SS- 16 Nov 2003 Initial B date, 2-3 others since EA/PA OM 2003-2004 Reconciled 2004 May 2013 Final BD, W completely detaches W files D June 2013 I am moving out 26 July 2013
Keeping a poker face with her, and will smile and say goodbye when her girlfriend and her leave later today. But I know my W. I know this IS going to happen. She isnt your typical woman, and she is methodically moving in this direction.
To be honest, we were going to sell the house and move in a year and a half when her job is scheduled to be done away with due to a company merger anyway. But I think its ludicrous that I be forced out into the wild now, and into objective poverty when co habitating, at least until I can find a good job, get education, or plainly get on my feet should be at least an option.
Its a big house...we could do it. The fear is setting in, and I feel like crap.
Me-45,W-36 M-12 yrs, T-15 years SS- 16 Nov 2003 Initial B date, 2-3 others since EA/PA OM 2003-2004 Reconciled 2004 May 2013 Final BD, W completely detaches W files D June 2013 I am moving out 26 July 2013
Ok...well, W and her girl friend left for their "girls weekend". BTW, theres nothing going on there...W is 110% hetero. Trust me. Anyway, I kept a calm demeanor...helped carry their bags out to the car and loaded them for her. I noticed that W is avoiding eye contact with me, even though she is speaking to me in a semi pleasant voice.
I believe I handled this pretty well. About the only thing I possibly did wrong was I opened my arms for a hug goodbye, and she accepted it...half way anyway. Sorry, I couldnt help myself...its habit. At least I didnt lean in for a kiss right? I also told her to have a safe trip and to have fun.
Thoughts on the last couple posts vets???
Me-45,W-36 M-12 yrs, T-15 years SS- 16 Nov 2003 Initial B date, 2-3 others since EA/PA OM 2003-2004 Reconciled 2004 May 2013 Final BD, W completely detaches W files D June 2013 I am moving out 26 July 2013
ME 38 W 37 T18 M5 D3 BD 1/7/13 PA Conf 2/11/13- Ongoing 2nd simultaneous affair Confirmed 4/19/13 W gets APT and begins transition out 5/29/13 First mediation appt 12/19/13
W knows I know about the D paperwork. Not sure if she saw me through the window, or if SS told her, but she knows I know. Intold her I am done fighting for the R myself, but am in self preservation mode and on a different timeline for final D in my head.
Crap, I dont know what to do
Me-45,W-36 M-12 yrs, T-15 years SS- 16 Nov 2003 Initial B date, 2-3 others since EA/PA OM 2003-2004 Reconciled 2004 May 2013 Final BD, W completely detaches W files D June 2013 I am moving out 26 July 2013
Why are you on the defensive? She's the one sneaking around with secret bank accounts and legal paperwork!
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
I am on the defensive because I was doing the LRT, and getting blind sided left and right. I also dont have the cash to hire an L. All of which I thought was bad, right? I am supposed to be stalling, right?
I am NOT leaving. I am not an emotional or physical threat to her or our S...so legally, I dont think she can make me. I am just trying to avoid pissing her off further, and driving her to the divorce.
Me-45,W-36 M-12 yrs, T-15 years SS- 16 Nov 2003 Initial B date, 2-3 others since EA/PA OM 2003-2004 Reconciled 2004 May 2013 Final BD, W completely detaches W files D June 2013 I am moving out 26 July 2013
Of course you don't have to leave. And the reason you are being blindsided is because you are still holding expectations. Time to let those go.
So, if she brings up D my favourite is " this is not what I want, but if it is what you need to do I will not stand in your way". Now this doesn't mean you lie down and give over your assets, you are just giving the power back to her.
If she suggests you moving out, you can calmly bring up the co ownership and suggest you both sell the house or she buy you out. As a disabled vet ( thank you . ). Alimony would be on your side until you were on your feet. So to speak.
Do not necessarily bring these up, but do t roll over. You may be eligible for legal aid as well. My lawyer is a ball breaker ( sorry guys) and does pro bono for LA. :)).
. ). Alimony would be on your side until you were on your feet. So to speak.