Trying to stay in it, keeps getting harder. #3

[in_it]

New thread…does anyone mind linking my last one?? Thanks.

I'm having a bad day & can't even explain why!?

Something hit me. I just started crying in the car earlier in my way home from work. I had to pull over & get it together before I picked the girls up from daycare.

H & I had a conversation on Wednesday night…
H: I hope you can handle the kids by yourself.
M: What do you mean?
H: When I'm gone. You've got to be able to keep control of everything.
M: When is that going to be?
H: I don't know? Soon. Where are you going to live?
M: I live here.
H: You can afford this house?
M: Where are you going to live?
H: Not in this state, I'm not sure?
M: Are you being transferred?
H: No, but I won't be close to here.
M: Are you just going to be gone one day? Just tell me one day your leaving? I feel like this is something that should be planned. I don't want to be blindsided.
H: I don't know? Maybe. I owe you nothing after you planned this pregnancy.
M: Please quit saying that. I did not plan this.
H: Good luck getting child support from me. You better not try to screw me.
M: It's a calculation set by the court, H.
H: When I quit my job so I won't have any income, you won't get anything from me. If you screw me, I'll screw you.
H: You don't have anything to say?
M: I'm sorry you think I'm trying or will try to screw you. We've both said since the beginning that if you do leave then we need to be civil & work together. That's what's best for the girls. Regardless of what happens we will be part of each others lives forever.
H: No we won't. How would we be?
M: We have children together. Even after they grow up there will still be graduations, weddings, grandchildren.
M: (after some silence) You also told me you would help us find a place to live that will be good for the girls & in a school district that is good.
H: That was before your big plan.
M: What is happening? You are so back & forth.
H: I don't know.
H: I've been tuning you & everything out so I don't feel anything.
M: I'm sorry you've done that, but why? If there is something there, tuning or pushing it out doesn't just make it go away. (I know, I know should've stopped at the but...)
H: I know. I'm making myself create hatred for you guys so it can be real. I make myself hate you so I won't feel it.
M: I hate to hear that, knowing you have some feeling. I know it may not be much, but something's there. I just wish you could let it out.

This conversation went on longer. We got into decision making, which I believe has a lot to do with our love languages. I'll go further into this on a later post. This one has turned into a novel.

I would love someone to breakdown the conversation for me. I desperately need some pointers.

Also, the weird thing is…after this conversation everything has been ok. We went to bed afterwards, got up the next day & went about our lives. In the past when we've talked he usually doesn't talk to me for a few days. It's odd.