I asked the mediator if my wife had called to ease the anxiety I had this morning
I had just finished another successful job interview now I have 2 possible directions. I thought that there is hope in me that she would change her mind, and not call the mediator.
I did ask my w if she would go to a different one, one who is a therapist as well the other day, Because she had been in contact with the one we had been using. After see ran out of the mediation I sat with the mediator for awhile she told me the my w needed therapeutic help. There was really no good reason for what see did. Also I have asked my wife numerous times if she had spoken with the mediator and told her that I had spoken with the mediator numerous times. Then my w sends a message telling me that she was going to reach out to the mediator to see if we could return. I just shaked my head, do you know what I have mentioned to you do not llisten. It is like she hears what she wants to hear. I can only hope that she is rethinking this.
Edward, as much as this time and your W's words and actions are frustrating for you, that is all outside your control.
If your W does continue to proceed with this mediator, or gets a different one or a therapist... those are all things that she will or will not do, on her own time and initiative, IF it is what she wants.
I believe it will serve you much better to work on letting all that go and let it play out as it will. In the mean time, focus on yourself and moving yourself forward. There are positives in your life and those are the things that you need to focus on.
Aside from your job prospects, what else is going on in your life that you are happy for?
Thank kaffie. I am happy that I have a place I could live, ( finally get of my parents house, not that I do not like but I see that as. Big step forward) . I have been running alot entering road race something I always like Doing.
Got a message from the mediator, w spoke with her. She is wanting to return. I asked if my w gave a reason why she left last time , w said "it was too overwhelming". In frustration I said "does she it was easy for me." Now I think about her statement "it was too overwhelming" and I go back to all the this I have read, and matches the self absorbed person that she is. Not even considering one ounce of how it is affecting me. She also wants some documents from me before we go forward. I want say I have nothing of hers because she told me to throw everything away.
I do get the anger stemming from frustration. At the end of the day though, work through your anger in positive ways, not directed at your W and what you think of her actions or words.
Maybe one day you will understand that she is doing what she THINKS is "right" and is doing the best she can with the tools she has.
It looks quite clear that you really should be working on detachment. Do you understand what detachment is and how it might work for you?
Kaffie I am more disappointed, than angry. I slip every now and then. Think of everything we worked for she just throw away. Together we were able to work and get ourselves a home. It is what she always wanted, then this. I do struggle with understanding that. I am not good at detachment, of things I love. I do not hold grudges on people, maybe I need to work on that. Think after this I am going to get a tattoo on my forearm " You cannot rationalize irrational behaviour " so I can also remind myself.
Positive ways I have be running. Just ran a half marathon this weekend did very well. I little sad because last night I went to my nieces recital, my wife is her godmother and I know my niece was let down that she did not show.
Faith is keeping me strong. I believe the God wants my marriage and all marriages that have fallen apart because of selfish worldly gains to heal. Pray that satan's will leaves my wife. I am praying that it leaves me. God loves marriage. Jesus' first miracle was during a wedding.
"In frustration I said "does she it was easy for me."
You do understand that it's not about you right?
"Now I think about her statement "it was too overwhelming" and I go back to all the this I have read, and matches the self absorbed person that she is. Not even considering one ounce of how it is affecting me."
Right now your attitude is the same as hers. You are only thinking of yourself and your needs. That's why she's stayed away. She wants to heal on her own or figure things out on her own. You need to respect that. You want to "fix" things or think that you need to be in the picture. You don't.
The self-righteous attitude you're developing isn't going to help you.
"She also wants some documents from me before we go forward. I want say I have nothing of hers because she told me to throw everything away."
Hurt and angry feelings about how YOU feel aren't going to help either.
"I do not hold grudges on people, maybe I need to work on that."
Sounds like you do hold a grudge.
"Think after this I am going to get a tattoo on my forearm " You cannot rationalize irrational behaviour " so I can also remind myself."
You're not getting it. TO HER she's not being irrational. That's what you have to start understanding. You validate her right to feel the way she does without condemnation. You calling her "crazy" etc. doesn't achieve that. She wants to be heard and understood.
You don't need to accept the way she's doing it, but you need to accept that fact that she feels that way right now.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Am I anger yes a bit. I have not said any of those things to her. I have been try understand her feeling but how can that happen if she does not want to speak with me.
