and so to continue with our day, h got further irate with me when he felt that I was trying to take the rest of the day off, when he felt that the day was far from ending for him.
He didn't see it as me offering to help. Then we got into the money again and he got pissed off that I "again" didn't bring the petty cash that he needed to pay off some people. His voice escalated and then mine did too. I quickly said that if he is going to yell at me then I was leaving and he could call me when he could speak better. I then threw our business keys onto the ground and began to pull away. I stopped and thought this isn't how I want this to go. So grabbed the keys and walked to his car. He continued to yell for throwing the keys. I said that he wasn't seeing my point. He was now getting more mad and was in a hurry. I said I would get him the petty cash & meet him back at the house. We then parted.
I called on the phone to validate that he is having a meltdown and I was getting in his way. He corrected me and said not a melt down, that he was overwhelmed. I then texted him "I don't mean to get in your way. Im only trying to help. It doesn't come across as that, and it seems to bother you more" He didn't reply.
When I got back to the house with the petty cash. I tried to explain that he just takes the money & doesn't explain it. (meaning I was wanting to discuss how it was being spent) Again, he was in a hurry. Didn't say much. I said that I am trying to help and wanted to be outside or helping with driving, etc. He said then go to the lot (his) and do something there. So ... I did.
IF/when he texts back to "appreciate" what I did (manual weeding), I will text back to say "I understand you are overwhelmed, I am just helping"
Was doing this OK?.. helping? or is it letting him feel he can be mean/yell & then I jump to please (which is what I am used to doing).
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
KD & Bond.. no ... it was business talk. The fact that the stupid cell phone makes me ask him to repeat himself and he is soooo on edge, that he feels like he keeps telling me things over and over. But, Yes.. sometimes, I do need him to repeat for my benefit. We have an active schedule and don't remember everything. When I ask for clarification, he gets further frustrated. He is high strung!
It was me.. who pointed out "YOU are talking AT me" He does this ALOT!
Yes, the $300 unaccounted for is from the business account, which he "borrowed" and hadn't told me about. When i was confronting him, it was only because I was trying to reconcile the books, and the fact that he hadn't told me (or maybe he had), but he got angry because he is feeling kind of broke these days and was waiting for the petty cash to sort out "his" situation. I guess there was some build up there for him.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Then maybe you need to flat out tell him that you are his business partner and that you will not tolerate him talking to you like that any longer. Start to draw up your boundaries.
"and so to continue with our day, h got further irate with me when he felt that I was trying to take the rest of the day off, when he felt that the day was far from ending for him."
Ignore this. It's his way of not being able to deal with the stress in a healthy manner. Tell him you're sorry that he feels overwhelmed and that you are more than happy to help him, HOWEVER that you will not be the scapegoat to let his frustrations out on.
"He didn't see it as me offering to help. Then we got into the money again and he got pissed off that I "again" didn't bring the petty cash that he needed to pay off some people."
Then walk away.
"His voice escalated and then mine did too."
You have to learn to walk away before it gets to that point.
"I quickly said that if he is going to yell at me then I was leaving and he could call me when he could speak better. I then threw our business keys onto the ground and began to pull away. I stopped and thought this isn't how I want this to go. So grabbed the keys and walked to his car. He continued to yell for throwing the keys."
Then I would have dropped the keys where you were standing and walked away.
"I said that he wasn't seeing my point."
No sense arguing that point.
"He was now getting more mad and was in a hurry. I said I would get him the petty cash & meet him back at the house."
You shouldn't have done this. Let him get it himself.
"I called on the phone to validate that he is having a meltdown and I was getting in his way. He corrected me and said not a melt down, that he was overwhelmed."
See? You mindread him wrong.
"I then texted him "I don't mean to get in your way. Im only trying to help. It doesn't come across as that, and it seems to bother you more" He didn't reply."
Of course not because you're still mindreading. You don't need to constantly explain yourself.
"When I got back to the house with the petty cash. I tried to explain that he just takes the money & doesn't explain it. (meaning I was wanting to discuss how it was being spent)"
No sense explaining this point AGAIN until things have cooled down. YOU NEED TO LEARN PATIENCE.
"Again, he was in a hurry."
He was doing it to blow you off.
"Didn't say much. I said that I am trying to help and wanted to be outside or helping with driving, etc. He said then go to the lot (his) and do something there. So ... I did."
You should have just left.
"IF/when he texts back to "appreciate" what I did (manual weeding), I will text back to say "I understand you are overwhelmed, I am just helping""
You really need to stop thinking that you always have to say something. We've told you time and time again that you have to just let him be. No response is necessary. Plus you're going to get yourself disappointed if he doesn't text you with an "appreciation".
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Yes Bond.... I see your point. BUT, I now too see how he can be frustrated with me too, I was kind of delaying the petty cash hand over (because I wanted to discuss it first) I knew this morning that he was fit to be tied about money (this could have alivieated the sitch). His "hurry" was accurate based on timing and I do know and agree that he is overwhelmed, I said meltdown because of his reaction, but I knew it.
I am learning patience... I will wait now to hear from him.
What do you think of me pulling weeds for an hour or more? (was that more of the same of my behaviour or "helping" him/us)?
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
" BUT, I now too see how he can be frustrated with me too, I was kind of delaying the petty cash hand over (because I wanted to discuss it first) I knew this morning that he was fit to be tied about money (this could have alivieated the sitch). "
No "buts" about it. We all have stress in our lives and deal with them in varying degrees. However, WE CHOOSE how to respond to that stress.
I've seen people struggling with cancer. Life and death. There's no bigger stress than realizing that you might be dying. And they deal with it with a positive attitude.
"His "hurry" was accurate based on timing and I do know and agree that he is overwhelmed,"
So what? Not your problem if HE CHOOSES to work like that.
"I said meltdown because of his reaction, but I knew it."
And he corrected you saying that it wasn't a meltdown. That he was just overwhelmed. His definition of a meltdown is different than yours. You have to respect HIS interpretation of it if that's how he's feeling. If he says he didn't have a meltdown, then he didn't. But you argue that he is. YOU can't keep telling him how he feels or why he's feeling the way he is. Just let it go.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
noticed tonight that the local church is offering a 12 step addiction recovery program...would this be beneficial in my case? or is it for alcoholics? There isn't any bad alcohol involved in my sitch or my family....TX
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
He's not addicted to anything and neither are you. How about looking at some activities like yoga or meditation. Something that can give YOU inner peace and teach patience.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
